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My husband and I have my mother living with us. She is 83 years old and I do everything for her. We buy all the groceries and I fix all her meals, I do her laundry and put it all away, I change her bedding, take her to and from doctor appointments, we entertain her, we make sure she gets her exercise. We currently ask for 500.00 a month and want to raise it to 600.00 a month. Mom is refusing to pay more rent.

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Jeanne, you're amazing. Love your post.
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Charging for having another person in the household is definitely not greedy since it costs something to be able to feed them for starters. The more people per household the more food, water, and other utilities will be used. The more people living in a household, the more it will cost to support each one of them. That's why it's so important for everyone to pull their own weight, and I strongly agree with the poster who said not wanting to be put in the poorhouse over this, and I don't blame you. I don't know if this person is even competent, but if not, why not go for guardianship? This would give you troll over everything, including finances.
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Parents not paying their fair share is greedy & selfish. Especially if they have the money and are "saving it for inheritance". $600 a month for everything is a bargain. Where can I sign up?
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Our mom lived with my sister for 14 months. Sis charged her the same amount she was paying for her subsidized apartment. The suite she had at Sis's was nicer and Sis also provided meals, so this was a real bargain for Mom. Mom was on Medicaid and the county was willing to provide a certain number of hours of in-home cargiving that Sis could take for her efforts or use to hire outside help. Sis took the payment herself. She said it helped her feel validated as doing something worthwhile.

No one in our large family had any qualms about any of this. Now that Mom is in a nursing home her costs are way, way more than they were when she lived with Sis. What Sis did was good for Mom, good for the county, and good for her and her husband.

Why should elders be deprived of the dignity of paying their own way (to the extent that they can)?

Charging parents rent is not crazy or greedy. It is in the same category as charging adult children rent. All adults should pay their own ways to the extent that they can. Not to insist on this is demeaning to all concerned.
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Unfortunately, her needs have a price tag no matter where she goes. Our children, as I've said before, are not a safety net against old age. We shouldn't bring them to the world and then charge them for it. Considering her actual needs and occasional whims are being catered to 24/7 the least she can do is contribute to the household just like everybody else regardless of age.
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I dont get it. Charging parents rent is crazy......If they offer to give you some $$ thats ok, but telling them outright they need to pay is greedy!
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$600 a month? In NYC, she'll be lucky to rent a furnished box to sleep in. Tell her to count her blessings.
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There is nothing wrong with every adult in the household contributing....parent, adult child, or other. $600 is a bargain. Elders have a problem with prices.
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We took care of my mom and did not charge her anything. Mom ate what we ate and I bought some special things she liked. The utilities did not increase b/c she was living with us. I worked FT and took off work to take her to the doctor. We have plenty of room here and wouldnt think of charging mom "rent". Sadly, mom's dementia got worse and she could not be left alone. She is now in assisted living and has been "paying her way" for 5 years. Be thankful you have your mom now. My mom is there physically but not mentally. I much rather have her like she was 5 years ago.
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Yes, see an elder care lawyer, who will show you how to justify the $600 as a valid expense and not a gift. Critical for the Medicaid application process. Meanwhile, look into senior housing for her. It will only get worse.
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She has no long term care insurance. All she has is her monthly income and of course her medical insurance. Looks like she will be staying with my husband and I and we will be raising her rent regardless of what she wants. I will not and can not put my husband and I in the poor house over this. It's so very hard for me not to get angry with her and my brother, and his money sucking daughter. None of them will help. There should be a law against that. To give you some aspect of my brother and his wife and daughter. Brothers wife spent time in prison for embezzling money from their daughters high school years ago. Her trial can still be found on the internet. Greta Mary Nestle vs Commonwealth. She should be ashamed of herself.
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DrRockU2, please note that not all States will help with pay for Assisted Living, but you can try to see if your State as a waiver to help with some of the cost. Does Mom have long term care insurance she could use? Sometimes when a parent does have the retirement funds to use or equity from a house, they dig in their heels and refuse to use it [my parents had been that way].

There is so much to learn about elder care, it's like a part-time or full-time job trying to keep up with everything. I didn't know squat until I came onto this forum which has been so helpful. This is something no one of prepare for or are taught unless one saw and participated in the care of a grandparent by one's parents.
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Thanks for your reply, but now I have a knot in my gut. We have not been claiming her rent on our taxes. She is getting to be difficult to deal with and I was thinking of putting her into an assisted living place and apply to medicaid for her to help defray the cost. Looks like that may be out of the question now. I think I nee to speak to an an elder law attorney, and quick. Thanks for the heads up.
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$600.00 is a bargain for rent and full time caregiving. ALF is 6,000 a month. 24 hour caregiving is 10,000 not including housing costs. Nursing homes start at 12,000 a month. Offer your mother the alternates to paying the 600.00 in rent. Hopefully you are claiming the money she gives you on your taxes or medicaid will look at the money as a gift if she ever needs it and that creates problems.
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