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I live in Chicago. BUt my mother is 85 and lives in Lyndhurst, Ohio. My sister is 60 and lives about a mile away from my mom. My sister is not too well physically and mentally and her husband is moving forward with a divorce. I'm working on getting a lawyer for my sister. She and my mom are not really capabable of doing so. My sister is also about to have a hip replacement on 11/19 and is planning to go to my mom's house to recover! She doesn't really have anybody else. I try to keep in touch and do what I can but it's hard long distance. Can you suggest anything? My mom is really not able to deal with all these life issues my sister has.

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The best solution would be for your sister to go from the hospital after about a four day stay following hip surgery to rehab for 1-2 weeks. By then she should be able to take care of her own ADLs and cook simple meals. She will need to continue with physical therapy for several weeks and depending on which side the operation is need help with transportation. I am not saying it will be easy but it can be done.
I do speak from experience but can only say what I was able to do. I was able to walk around the house with a walker get to the bathroom and kitchen unaided and get in and out of a car. The first time I showered my husband helped and we used a hand held shower. After that I was able to sit on a shower chair slide over into the tub and do everything myself. Now I am not overweight and am physically active but do have severe OA and at the time was 68. I had my right hip done and was able to drive in about 3- 4 weeks for very short distances. It is all very tiring and I did a lot of napping but the more you do the quicker you heal. An 85 year old who was independent herself could certainly have cared for me but I am not your sister.
Before the surgery the family should contact public health to see what services are available. I am glad you are helping out with the lawyer because your sister probably can't handle that.
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Rehabilitation after knee surgery requires one-floor living. They're firm about this. Then you can call in The Visiting Nurse Association.
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More information would helpful in regards to the condition of your mother's physical and mental health...can your mother take care of her own daily needs such as bathing, eating, cooking, cleaning, laundry? Does your mother still drive? First I suggest checking into home health care to help with your sister. Will her insurance cover someone coming in for a few hours daily depending on her needs once she is in your mother's home? If your sister has physical and mental needs, is she getting disability insurance? Is it temporary or permanent disability? I know you are concerned about your mother's welfare with your sis living with her, but your sis may be the one who needs assistance from a care worker just because of your mother's age. I don't know how mobile your sister will be when she is released into your mother's care.
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Hadenough, Her sister is alone because she lives in Lyndhurst, OH. The writer asking for help lives in Chicago, IL. It 's a huge burden for the Mom of these two, as the mom is 85 years old.
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Hadenough I don't think we can judge how much KEMMC27 is doing for her sister. She's already said she's helping with her attorney for her divorce. I imagine her sister wants to stay near her doctors and have the procedure near her home. There may also be a lot of history involved, see Braida's comment as an example.

If your sister can't go to rehab after her surgery, what I would recommend is to get the Visiting Nurse Association involved. They can come to your mom's home and monitor your sister's care and recovery while also checking on your mom. Good luck, you sound like a good and caring sister.
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Why is your sister alone when she has a sister?
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This is a tough situation. Has your Mom told you she doesn't want your sis to come to her home to recuperate? Or do you just think it will be too much for your Mom? You didn't really say what kind of condition your Mom is in. Mentally and physically. Just that your sis is mentally and physically impaired. So if your Mom is okay w/ your sis coming to recuperate from surgery, you should probably just let them do their thing, since you are not going to be around physically to help out. It sounds as though your sister really needs some support for awhile, and even though you think your Mom isn't up to it, she may suffer stress and guilt thinking of your sister not having the help she needs. I kind of speak from experience on this, because I have two daughters and one of them has a personality disorder that has made her life extremely difficult. She lives on her own an hour away from me, but bad things occur in her life frequently. I often worry about what will become of her if something happens to me, as she seems to have no one in her life to depend on. Sadly, she undermines all of her relationships because of her off and on erratic behavior, and she tends to push people away as a defense mechanism before they push her away. I would always want to be there for her. My other daughter lives three hours away, and isn't inclined to be helpful to her sister at all, which is understandable as she's been on the receiving end of rage and anger that comes seemingly out of nowhere. So, basically, I am saying from your Mom's point of view, maybe she really wants to be there for your sister. A Mom's love is a strong force! Could you possibly look into an outside caregiver to help with the hip recuperation period, to take some of the load off of your Mom? (by the way, my other daughter thinks her sister takes a toll on me as well, which is true sometimes, but I allow it to happen out of love and concern.) I also have my 88 yr. old Mom w/ dementia living w/ me. Never a dull moment, but I'm 65 not 85. Your Mom has to be worn out by now, for sure!! You are a caring daughter and sister. Best of luck with this.
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KEMMC27 -- Tough situation. Frankly it does sounds as if other arrangements need to be made for your sister. Perhaps after her surgery she can go to a nursing home to recover and then to rehab and from there to assisted living? Might be a timely opportunity to make this transition. You don't mention if your mother is okay on her own, even without the extra challenges of having your sister around. Blessings to all concerned for a peaceful outcome.
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