2011-2017 my father in law lived in my home. He was blind, 93 years old when he died. For all the years, I got $2000. Is this fair?

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I haven’t been paid for his 24 hr total care. Everyone said I would be taken care of..$2000 is it. His children, who said put him in a home, now want all his money. For all the years, $2000.00. He made money living here because he kept his Soc Sec check. Is this fair or legal? I feel so used. No one has even thanked me, except my husband. Pray for me, God don’t like ugly.

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You were used and exploited.

Agreeing to do the caregiving in return for "being taken care of" in a will was naive.

Family may honestly feel they are fulfilling their promise. (!)

What is your husband's response to this?
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Your story is sad, and it's very sad that too many of us here understand how you feel.
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Reply to talkey
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SweetAnne,

In hindsight, maybe you should have let the kids put him in a home. They would have no inheritance now. May want to mention that.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Even with family, maybe especially family, you should have had a contract. It's going to be hard but you will need to let it go.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I feel for you---I 24/7 cared for FIL for 6 months, the last 6 & worst of his life. Then after he passed, I "flipped" his condo--with the family's permission, so we could get top dollar out of it. I worked for nothing---took me over 250 hrs....AND I had a whopping budget of $5K to spend, not a penny more. Also got the rental house he owned in a state it could be quickly sold. All by myself. It sold in a bidding war for $20K more than asking the day it listed----did I even get recognition for the months I spent cleaning this house and mowing the lawns and watering them? Not one word of thanks. (Well, the neighbors thanked me profusely!!)

My DH was the executor--so as not to "make waves" he just decided it best to have complete transparency in the executing of the estate. He was supposed to take a $25 per hour fee for all the work he did in executing the estate. He took nothing. (We have a BIL who did absolutely NOTHING but claim all the appliances and decent furniture for his daughter----well worth $5K) Didn't lift a dang paintbrush to help me, and I was working my butt off, 8-10 hrs per day.

THEN he is the real estate agent to sell the condo--took his 3%, you bet! Also sold the rental house and got 3% for that too. (Condo sold the first day it was listed!) And then the 1/3 of the sale also, since his wife was a beneficiary.

I tried not to be angry--I really did. My DH just simply would not stand up to his sibs--even his brother who has been MIA for 30 years. Just slowly waded through the mess and cut checks. Which I then had to hand deliver to SIL and BIL. Crazy.

This was NOT what dad wanted. But to keep peace, my DH simply folded. I can say I have never looked at my inlaws the same. It's been 13 years. I'm still a little angry.

Sweet Annie---talk to your hubby. Sometimes they are so blindsided by the death of a loved one, they can't see past it. And he'd probably used to you stepping up and keeping quiet. I know my hubby really did feel bad about me not getting paid for this grueling work---but not bad enough to pay me. He kept saying "I want the family to stay together..I don't do drama." Well, I blew my stack ONE TIME and let him know what I thought, which was, his BIL was being a real S%8$. He agreed, but in the end, we were "shorted" by about $15K. He asked if that amount was "worth ruining family relationships over". Somedays I wonder.

DH is his mother's executor. I am not going to do one darn thing to help "execute" this estate, no matter what.

And sadly, I went straight from helping do all this stuff, into EOL care for my own sweet daddy. What a year.

Hoping for the best, SweetAnnie--but in reality---piecrust promises are easily made, easily broken. --my care for FIL was the best he ever got, he loved me, I remember this and feel better about how it all played out.

BTW? $2000 a month is what the family would have been paying for "private care". Easily.

Good luck--and sorry for the rant, Your topic hit a raw nerve in me.
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Reply to Midkid58
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You've been used and your husband let you get used. I would be questioning the longevity of that relationship.
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Reply to cmagnum
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Well.

Presumably the "children who now want all his money" include your husband. The $2,000 is a separate bequest to you personally, perhaps in recognition of your devoted care?

I have a horrible feeling they might genuinely believe it's handsome. Do you think that is at all possible?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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"Everyone said I would be taken care of.."

Ask them to explain and live up to it.
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Reply to polarbear
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SweetAnnie, yes it would have been nice if the father-in-law estate would have offered you payment more than $2k.... but note the vast majority of family caregivers do not get paid for taking care of an older family member. Unless an "employment contract" had been drawn up between you and your Father-in-law. Sadly most people don't realize such a signed document could be used.

I would assume your husband would get part of his Dad's estate, thus "your family" will inherit some funds above the $2k. I realize this doesn't seem fair, but many family caregivers go through this.
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Reply to freqflyer
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You should feel used. If this is your husband's father, why is he not stepping up and demanding that you be paid the $2000.00 for six years caregiving is not enough.

Has his estate been settled? If it is in probate, I would go to the Probate Court and file a bill for services. It might get paid that way.
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Reply to anonymous439773
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