Hello all!
I am 25 years old and my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. Her mom was diagnosed about 1 year ago with dementia. Her mother (I'll call her Susan here) had been progressing with this dementia for about 3 or 4 years before being properly diagnosed. The only family member that was close enough that even cared about Susan's wellbeing was my girlfriend. We have been through hell (quite literally) with her mom. Between finding a decent facility, trying to right the wrongs done before Susan had care, and keeping Susan out of ADS's hands it was all just a nightmare. Things have finally started to calm down, but now it seems the dementia is getting worse more rapidly. My girlfriend quit her job for almost a year to help straighten things out with her mom, leaving me as the sole provider.

I guess my questions comes down to this: What do I do? I love my girlfriend and would like to marry her someday, but with her mom's dementia getting worse and the prospect that she might one day live with us (again) I can't handle it. My girlfriend and I should be doing what young adults do: travel, spontaneity, etc. What do I do? Am I just not cut out for this?

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Hugs to you across the miles - you both are very young to be dealing with this issue which is all consuming. I give you both so much credit and you are so caring. You are just starting out in life. Many of us faced all these problems later in life. Doesn't make it easier, but it is different and you have to think of your future.

If dementia is advancing more rapidly; that is so very sad and difficult to deal with. Nursing homes of today are not what they were yesterday and must meet numerous standards. Perhaps you both could look at different facilities for placement if this is agreeable. Wouldn't hurt to talk to Elder Services in your town as they are extremely helpful and offer a variety of suggestions and even counseling at no charge. Hoping you can reach a mutual decision and work this out. Take care.

I too are wondering why your girlfriend would even consider taking her Mom out the facility...

You are good man! Your parents must be proud...

Even some of us who are in our 50's and 60's, aren't cut out to be caregivers.

Curious why your girlfriend's mother would be taken out of a nursing facility and return home to be cared?

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