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Drivingdaisy, I think he thought I was lying too! He did the same thing when I had the flu! I agree that some people will never admit to being wrong! Very sad!!!
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Faithful, my mom thought I was lying when I told her I had covid. 😆

As far as people seeing the truth, some will, some will but never admit it because, that would be admitting they were wrong. Many have a hard time doing that.
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Drivingdaisy, Yes, it has taken me years to get to this point but the hurt feelings are debilitating at times. You are right. I must become my own best friend. To comment on what you just posted about your mom... dad does this as well. I can remember having COVID a few years ago ( before he went to his facility). He knew I was sick but was still asking me when I was going to come over and get his clothes to wash! Even now , he knows I work but will tell me a list of things to do for him.

I would also like caution others who are struggling with caregiving that your parent of whoever you are caring for will also have others thinking negative of you. But just be patient because one day they will see the truth. There are people that have mistreated me because of things he said but now they see the truth.
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To add, to my last post. I called mom Tuesday to tell her my hubs was getting out of the hospital, and she started right in on what she needed, I shut her down and said I'll be over Thursday.

Then yesterday she started again, I told her she has 3 other kids.
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Faithful, I'm so glad that you are seeing everything we have been telling you for quite a while.

I understand what you are feeling now, a little mad at yourself, mad at life. I call it I felt, bamboozled. That feeling will get better. Even though you wish you learned sooner, better now than never. Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend.
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@Dawn 88,
I'm trying my best to make up for lost time.I just wish I had known what I know now about a lot of thiings but all I can do is pray and move forward!
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The 50s were the best years of my life! Don't let them fly by and not enjoy both youth and wisdom at the same time.
Make it count while you can!
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@Beatty,
I hate that it took me a long time to learn to say no. I thought I was not supposed to if was family. You are right. It is hard sometimes to say no to family members but then we have to ask ourselves if it is best for us. I admit that alot of it is my own fault for allowing myself to be a"never say no" person but it was how I was raised.
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"Put others before you"

Yes that was a big childhood message to me too, via family, church & society.

I feel this message failed me. It was a message of servitude. It left me open to being bullied.

When bullied as a child, adults told me to '"Turn the other cheek". (What's that even mean? Get slapped & be happy to get slapped again?)

Thank goodness for my sensible Aunt. She said "Nonsense. Stand up for yourself. Tell that bully to stop it & get lost."

Since then I have found many times I have had to do say *stop* in one way or another. In ways I never imagined.. the hardest being to closest family members & say "No, I won't do that".

Thankyou FB for this topic 💕💪
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@Isthisrealyreal,
You are correct. I did try to fill my mom's shoes and it cost me a lot of missed opportunities. It all goes back to the way I was raised, lacking self confidence which made me think that I had to please others before myself. I hope that others will take my advice because it can really, really affect you in so many ways when do not set boundaries.
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Faithful, one of the biggest things that you point out that should be avoided is; becoming a parents replacement spouse. You filled your moms shoes when your dad was a grown man that should have learned to take care of himself. Shame on him for making you his spousal replacement, it really speaks to the level of his dysfunction. He trained you well. Please do not take that as a personal insult, we often do not realize until hindsight what we are dealing with.

This should be a cautionary tale for anyone that is thinking of taking care of an able bodied parent. It's not healthy in any way, shape or form.
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I would also like to add this- Do not let other people tell you what you should/should not do. More than likely, those people will not help you if you needed it but are willing to give you advice that you probably did not ask for. The majority of my dad's friends and some family think that I'm a bad daughter because of things he has said. This is very hurtful but keep your head high because you know the truth. Surround yourself with people who will not judge you.
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Good advice.
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Great advice from someone who has been there, Faithful!
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