Worst day since Aug. '94...

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Last night was the worst day I can remember since August 1995. That is when MIL died. My last grandparent died within just a couple days of that. So last night DW started one of her hollering gigs. No word, just a loud hollering. Then it turned into her hollering for Nanay(Mother) That got to me. Heart strings hurt when pulled on. I politely told her that Nanay was dead when she passed. I then saw her eyes well up and her nose started running. I repeated myself as was necessary. We both sat there and cried for about an hour. I was not going to lie to her. Of course it hurt her as it did me. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle this situation I guess this is a sign that she is getting worse. I will hang on as long as possible before I take other actions. I was wondering if a mild sedative would help when she gets into this hollering/yelling? And I mean mild enough to just get her to calm down and rest. It can go on for an hour or more. She did have a very good day Sunday. An old friend that she has not heard from in over two years came over for a visit and stayed 8 hours, fixed two meals and DW ate like a horse. Everybody was happy about that. It gave me a chance to get groceries and unlax a bit. Then we slept for a few hours.

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What my mthr's dr prescribed is not a sedative but an anti-anxiety, like the one I take when I go to the eye doctor (anything to do with heads is off the chart for me). It calms mthr (and me) down and lets her process without quite all the emotion, but I can tell you, I still feel emotion when I take mine. I just am ok with that feeling instead of resisting it and crying.
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Update: they did get back to me but it wasn't with anything terribly helpful. There is a list of the various remedy types, easy to find online, or you could go broad spectrum with the readily available Rescue drops. They don't taste of anything much.
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I've just emailed the Bach Centre to ask if they have anything helpful to suggest.

I am not much of a New Ager, truth be told, nor flower girl, nor even very good at keeping a straight face when it comes to alternative medicine. But the reason I think Bach remedies aren't a complete waste of a few dollars is

they're *definitely* harmless
they help you feel that at least you've tried
the placebo effect still needs quite a lot of explaining yet
I did get to sleep when I used the night-time one.

So. If they do get back to me with anything promising I'll pass it on.
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Yes I believe it was the best way to go. Even though she cried for quite a while she did calm down. She hasn't been yelling today and actually seems quite calm still. Though she hasn't eaten much, even when served to her. I will monitor her closely for another day or so on that.
I have never heard of a worry quilt. It sounds similar to the Greek worry beads. She does spend a whole lot of time picking her finger nails. But for some reason she would just start yelling or shouting some strange sound or word. It could be what she perceives on the TV as exciting her.
I think that at times she believes what she is watching is real.
I am going to check with the DRs on a sedative that is mild and , if needed, can be given a second dose.
I really appreciate the advise and concerns expressed here. It really helps. I think about much of it most of the day.
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Thinking of you, OldSailor!
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Oldsailor,
Wow that's got to be tough. My heart goes out to you both.

After DW cried for an hour re-mourning her Mom's death, do you still feel you won't lie to her? I'm not saying I think you should or shouldn't. I'm just wondering if you think it was the way to go?

I give my Momma a sedative when she's upset. I feel it's the least I can do. She's going through so much emotional and physical pain, which I have no control over. Any little comfort I can give her, I do without hesitation.

Hang in there Sailor, you are a glowing example of what a real husband is!💕
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has any one heard of a fidget quilt(busy quilt, activity quilt.) its something they can do with their hands and maybe helps with anxiety.
https://www.free-alzheimers-support.com/fidget-quilt-for-dementia/
there are other examples online
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We tried a med for her sundowning and she turned out to be allergic to it. She still has the scars from that.
I hesitate giving her new liquids since she may not like them and just spit them out, all over everything and anybody (me). She does that with water and was doing it with fruit and foods.
I doubt music would help. She may not hear it or just ignore it but it is worth a try. I have nothing to lose.
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Old Sailor, you've been on this forum for so long, and are always available to pop in here and there and offer some good advice. You are really a stalwart trooper!

You recognize what's happening, and that's probably the first step to acknowledgment that behavior segues beyond the control of the individual and/or caregiver. But still, it's a painful and unsettling experience.

I don't know much at all about sedatives and whether or not they would be helpful. But I think your being there, holding her and crying together, is probably one of the best forms of comfort that can be offered.

Do you think music would help?
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The hollering may be anxiety. There are meds to help with this.
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