I'm a mess right now. My hands are shaking, and I can't focus, and once again my job performance is suffering. I thought this would be a good week. I had planned to take Dad for a trial day at an Adult Day Center near my job to see if he can visit about once a week to get out of the ALF. He REALLY hates it there, and I'm not the happiest with it. I haven't had the energy to start thinking about moving him again or making the countless phone calls or taking more time off work to visit new facilities, and I know I need to do it, but I can't seem to get started. When I picked Dad up this morning, he said his arm "felt funny". I noticed that he's favoring the arm and not using it. His left hand is in an odd kind of limp position, and sadly, I didn't have time to tend to it. I had to go to work. I was just out last week taking him to a doctor's appointment. He seemed OK otherwise, but I had already made it to the trial visit before I noticed that something really was going on with his arm. The ALF called Dad's hospice nurse, but she can't visit him if he's not there. I've flaked on the ADC visit twice due to extenuating circumstances, and this was my last shot. Now I'm worried. What if he had a stroke or something? I just left him with strangers for 1/2 a day because I had to come to work. I'm supposed to be getting ready to teach a class tomorrow. I need to be going over my presentation and making sure all of my ducks are in a row, but instead I'm crying my eyes out as I type this. This isn't meant for people like me. I wasn't cut out to handle both. I feel so awful for leaving him, but I HAVE TO BE AT WORK!!! Corporate America doesn't understand this burden. I'm physically in the building, but I am NOT here. I don't know what to do.