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It finally happened. The residential board and care memory home, said they would not take him back after his last episode. He tried to pull his Foley cathader out AGAIN, and purposely splattered his blood all over the room. Then when the respite caregiver tried to calm him down he threw his walker at her and tried to hit her. Ambulance was called and they took him up to the hospital in psychiatric care. He has been there 4 days, had an evaluation, and now they are trying to find an available bed in a behavioural hospital. My question, what kind of hospital are they talking about? And, can I request a partial refund for the last half of the month from this home? He has been there since April 1st, and has only spent nor more than 2 weeks there. He was causing problems from the beginning saying he wanted to go home then he wanted to go back to Germany to live with his dad, (dad has been gone for over 30 years) then he thought someone was spying on him outside, chasing him. Last week he tgrew away all the plates and stuff when the head of the house was making dinner bc he thought she was poisoning everyone. He was also busting into the other 3 residents rooms in the middle of the night. I understand how frustrating and difficult this was, I tried to handle it here and he was worse! I just think some of the.episodes could have been handled differently. This whole thing has been stressful, and I think handled poorly. I saw him last night. I didn't stay long. He seems calmer, but confused. And very tired. He really didn't recognize. In and out but kept asking bizarre questions then drifting off. I left went down to the car and burst into tears. This has been horrible. Plus the.financial strain is killing me. I can make it. But it's hard with an old house, and plus, everything I go to try to make a budget, that home would call with another crisis. I pray this is going to end soon. As for the.home everything went to.that place and I feel a little ripped off. But if they kicked.him out am I in titled to get back a little money?

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Wow, I didn't realize I had already answered this. Anyway, I speak now from even more experience. Hope that things are better.
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This is the nursing homes fault! 100%. Your husband's behavior stems from his medical issue, which, by admitting him, they said the could handle. Most people with Alzheimer's or dementia go through and aggressive stage and they know it! They needed to have given him a medication that would take the edge off without "zombifying" him, such as Depakote or Buspar. They failed him and now you're both being treated like he's somehow "bad." I feel so sorry for you. The EXACT same thing happened to me and it just about crushed my spirit. In my case, instead of kicking my mother out, they accused her of being psychotic, said they couldn't give her psych meds because she walks and that would make her a fall risk, sent her to the ER every time there was an episode, treated her inappropriately so she would HAVE an episode, threatened to have her committed to a long term psychiatric hospital, FORCED me to hire a private aide to be with her in the NH, etc. I'm so sorry. you need to know that your husband is not bad and you're not bad. He's sick, you're doing the best you can, and the facility was wrong. I am soooo sorry.
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correction: billing is day to day.
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I'm so sorry. I was in a similar boat. The home did not handle this well. He needed a psych evaluation and meds to prevent this kind of thing. Shame on them. I would persue a refund. Billing is day to say and you are entitled. On the somewhat bright side, if they were unable to care for your dad, perhaps it would be better if he went somewhere where he can be taken care of. Again, I'm so sorry. My heart was bursting a few months ago and I've cried more tears thst I had in my life. If it helps at all, you are not alone.
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IT still has some work to do, evidently, I was it too.
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At least twice, then :)
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This idiot and the "supernatural spells" spam just doesn't give up.

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I saw him this evening. He is still confused, but calmer. A thought came to me. I think he was spitting out his medication at that place.. i brought it up to the nurse and she agreed with me. For stupid sakes that was one of the many many reasons he was there. I feel even more cheated(((((
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These care homes are a very difficult balance. I have a friend that had her MIL in three different ones because of behavior problems. After the third it was determined that she needed a higher level of care than can be provided in these homes. She ended up in a nursing home because of medications needed to control her behavior.

You should see an attorney that specializes in Medicaid planning. There is a process called spousal impoverishment that will protect you from losing everything while your husband receives the care he needs. Yes, an attorney will cost some money but will be well spent. Check out a website AVVO to research attorneys in your area.
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I hate to be doom and gloom, but the issue about payment for your husband's room will be to do whether it was his to occupy or available for another tenant. And even if he didn't seem to spend more than the odd day there, it was still his room. You'll need to look again at the terms-and-conditions in your agreement, but if they only gave you notice that they wouldn't accept him back at the beginning of this week, I think you're probably a bit stuck claiming a refund. When have you paid the fees up until? Is the room charged on a monthly, weekly or daily basis? What notice is mentioned in the cancellation part of the agreement?

The owner-administrator (it never does seem to be a happy combination, judging by other people's posts, too) is blathering on saying the first thing that comes into her head. The decision about whether he was to be accepted back there wasn't the hospital's call, it was her board's, for one thing; so what is she whittering on about as far as expecting the hospital to keep her informed?

Um. A one-page contract? For a full-on Nursing Home? Blimey. Don't tell me, it's written in child's crayon…

Well. It sounds as if they bit off more than they could chew admitting him in the first place; which doesn't sound very professional; which would also mean he might have dodged a bullet not having to stay there any longer. I think there is probably little to be gained by pursuing a refund, beyond reclaiming any rent in advance that you've paid. I hope all those people who've been "making enquiries" know what they're getting for their money.
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The administrator (owner) of the home called me today after i sent her a text message only asking for a refund for the last two weeks. She started twisting things around saying the hospital never called her to say he WAS not comming back. Then she told me that i never communicated with her about the room. All bald faced lies! Then she said there were many people who have inquired about the room, but she said it was my husbands still. I said well i guess he can come back there then they want to discharge him. Then she said no they couldnt handle him anymore. She is lying. I am mad and very upset by this. The hospital asked her the day after he got there if he could go back and she refused. What is going on here? This my husband, and me his wife. Do they think we are made of money? Do they think we love throwing it down the toilet never to be seen again??? There is only one page contract from that home and ot says NOTHING about this situation. Should i check into legal aid? Right now i feel like dropping the nice act and asking for 2 months . I think i have been had. ((((
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Kixxybaby, i would have him evaulated for a uti. People with dementia can get even more out of control if they have a uti. Test him.
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Such a difficult situation, not much advice to share, but I wanted to wish you well.
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Well, if it is jealousy, those people should mind what they wish for. They may get it.

You poor girl. Well, again, seeing as your mother can't be there to help, perhaps you'd better develop a taste for kicking your own wotsits. Or at least giving people a little more of your mind. Be frank with those you know well and have nothing against, and let them know that you really do have enough on your plate without having to worry about whatever small-minded rumours might be doing the rounds. With the vet, just tell them bluntly that you've come to expect that they'll "squeeze Pusscat in to the morning surgery somehow, pretty please with sugar on it" as they always seem to have done in the past, seeing as she is such a very elderly patient of theirs. Add whatever emphases you see fit - but do bear in mind that it isn't impossible they really were just fully booked that day.

I am having some trouble with the thought that your neighbours could be so ignorant and unkind as to kick you when you're down - what, all of them? Surely not. Do some straight talking and hold your head up. Shame on them.
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His health started to decline about two years ago. The last year he was diagnosed with alzhiemers and he went from bad to worse. Paranoid, violent, hateful. The verbal abuse was daily, but the physical didnt get bad until the last 5 months. And yes its a small town, and plenty of gossip mongers. But someone told me it coild be jealousy. I am a woman who is suddenly alone.which is stupid if they are jealous, there is nothing scarier than being alone in this house at this time and to have to deall with everything, i wish my mom was still alive (((she would be kicking alot of butts!))
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Kixxy, how long has your husband been ill? And for how long were you coping with him at home?

If you live in a smallish neighbourhood, a sudden change of attitude from people you've been dealing with for a long time would make me wonder if you've got a gossip-monger on your hands - someone who's been telling far-fetched tales about the reason for your husband going into memory care, that kind of thing. More likely that, I'd have thought, than all of these people, individually, being so insensitive to someone who's going through what you're having to cope with. Is that possible? Having said that, be careful not to get paranoid. You must be terribly terribly stressed out and exhausted, and it's all too easy to start reading negative meanings into situations wrongly.
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I heard from the case worker the day he was admitted. Since then. Nothing. The nurse has been ok about goving me updates and the doctor calked me yesterday to tell me all beds were full but their feelers were out for other facilities. As for that home i truley feel ripped off i sm going to dend her a text message now and ask her about it. They wont take him back. Btw he has been on serquel? Forgive my spelling i cant pronounce most of these drugs anyhow) for the last month.when the doctor called me that night he said they could not give him anything else bc it would cause him to slerp all the time? That didnt sound right to me. I think the home dropped the ball here, but i am alone and having a hard time sorting all of this out. Btw, since my husband was taken out of our home 4 months ago, i have noticed a big attitude change in the people i deal with on a daily basis. Meaning the pet store, grocery stores, even our local vet who we have spent ALOT of money have been well kind of mean? I called the vet today who has been taking care of our little kitty for 4 years. She is 18 and has been on pain killets and another drug for her problems. I think she is dehydrated, and is having a hard time eith her little back legs. So i called down there to get her in for a check. In the past they would say bring her in or can you be here in an hour? Never turned her down. I called them today and they said oh we are booked you could bring her to the urgent care, but it is a little expensive! well how much have we spent??not to mention taking our other 2 cats in there. Not to mention that er, which is their sister vet, is waaaay out on the other side of town! I wont put our old lady rhru that, she doesnt need to be stressed out at this point. And the grocery store, wow,cold and unfriendly. Why would their attitude change??
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Many contracts do not allow refunds, instead if they have to be in higher level of care because he is dangerous to himself or others they often charge for the entire month they are moved. If he is not suitable in a care home, your only option may be a nursing home or psych hospital. That is where the heavy duty drugs are dispensed.

Why are you paying his rent? Medicaid will pay for some facikities if Medicaid approved, which mant care homes are. If he does not have Medicaid, it is time to go through that process or it will break you.
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I would contact the facility and try to get as much money back as possible. It depends on the contract, but when my loved one had to leave a certain assisted living due to her wandering, she got a refund for all days she was not there.

It sounds like it might not be safe for your husband to stay where he was. It sounds like a psychiatric hospital might be able to offer him more supervision and treatment. Hopefully, some medication combination will help give him some peace.
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It sounds as though he will need to go into memory care. if you don't have the funds you will have to apply for Medicaid for him. This will be a long hastle and the social worker should be able to help you. If you have not got all the legal stuff under control you should see an eldercare lawyer as soon as possible. i am assuming you are both seniors.
As far as the care home is concerned they are the people who refused to take him back you may be able to get some kind of a refund. I totally understand why they refused to take him back they simply don't have staff or experience to deal with him. they also risk loosing their other clients too.
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Dad had to go to a lockdown psychiatric hospital for a few weeks. This was years ago, but it probably hasn't changed much. They tried different meds and evaluated them until they got a good combination. He was violent too. We were able to visit him. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened, even though we might not have thought so at the time.
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You should have the answer to your question by looking back at the papers that were signed upon admittance. I'm quite sure it tLks about partial residency. Read everything over carefully. Certainly for June you are entitled to a refund since they are breaking your contract.

Your husband is a mess. Dangerous to himself and others. He is way under-medicated. Insist that doctors give him sedation or psychotropics to get him compliant. Don't doubt it for a minute: your husband was miserable before he went under psychiatric care.
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I don't have any suggestions except that perhaps it's time for a more controlled environment, an evaluation of any meds he's on, and/or both.

As to getting a refund, read the admission application and see what provisions there are for this kind of situation. It'll be the governing document.

I hope you can find some peace with all the turmoil taking place now. It must be so frustrating and exasperating.
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Does your husband have a diagnosis?
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