Wondering about taking your elder into your home?

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Wondering about taking your elder into your home?

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G graciekelli Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 1 · 2023-07-12T22:49:07.000-0400

Hello...so here's what happened. APS had scheduled an in-person visit at 430 today. By 5:00 pm, no APS, no call. I called APS Case Manager to find out if she was still coming. Completely forgot about me. She was at home and apologized and asked if we could reschedule for tomorrow. Coincidentally, it is my 37th wedding anniversary with the love of my life. Do you all think I want to be sitting with an agent of the APS at 430 to talk about how I may or may not have abandoned my mother. NO!!. I told her I was not available. We rescheduled for Friday morning at 800 am I will update you after our meeting on Friday morning:)

B Beatty Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 2 · 2023-07-12T21:17:15.000-0400

More 'taking back' than 'taking in'..

Here's the tale;
Senior 1 Able, caregiver for Senior 2.

Sn 2 health crises-acute-rehab.
Sn 1 heath crises - ongoing treatment required. Dr advises cannot continue cargiver role & to arrange Sn 2 stay in care permanently.

Sn 1 actively working to return Sn 2 home - against medical advice. Knowing they will not be able to adequately provide care.

Such strong attachment.
Yet potential for neglect.

N NeedHelpWithMom Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 3 · 2023-07-12T18:19:48.000-0400

Great post, Barb

These situations give us plenty to think about.

Graci,

I hope everything goes well for you from here on out. Best wishes to you.

G graciekelli Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 4 · 2023-07-12T17:34:26.000-0400

Gracie is here. APS will be coming to see me at 4:30 today. I will update you all as soon as we have met. I am in Arizona. In my case, mother was threatening to kill herself about 2 weeks ago. I called 911. She went into a behavioral health center where the doctor told me that she has Boarderline Personality Disorder, Bi-Polar, Stage 3 dementia amongst other health issues. He stated to me that she needs to be cared for in a facility if there is not someone in my home 24/7. Both my husband and I work. Mom has no money but SS and small pension. No savings, all depleted by my brother. I was working with SW at Behavior Center and I guess he decided to call APS and report me because she was getting close to discharge. SW never discussed this with me and I was completely caught off guard that he made the call to APS. However, SW found an AL which I went to on Saturday and completed admission and payed for first month all was in line 3 days before discharge.

B BarbBrooklyn Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 5 · 2023-07-12T16:41:16.000-0400

Geaton, I don't know the answer to that. I am hoping GraceKelli posts back with what APS in her state tells her.

Grace DOES have POA. The problem, I guess, arises when someone has POA and steadfastly refuses to accept discharge of their LO when they know it's no longer possible for care at home.

It behooves all of us to recommend consulting an Elder Law attorney when you end up in an adversarial relationship with your LO and or the facility they are in.

G Geaton777 Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 6 · 2023-07-12T16:32:33.000-0400

How does one go about proving someone "assumed care" for another if there isn't a written contract, PoA in place or legal guardianship?

A AlvaDeer Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 7 · 2023-07-12T16:24:27.000-0400

The problem with assuming care OR POA or anything like that is that when/if the senior becomes incapacitated to the extent that they cannot care for themselves, you--IF YOU ASSUMED CARE FOR THEM--cannot simply abandon them while they are helpless. You would have to go through APS or some other way to get them in care. Otherwise you have assumed care, and then abandoned when helpless.

I so agree with you Barb. Too many assume care and don't know the costs, that they should have shared living expense contracts, and the legalities involved. In my mind no one should allow a senior to move into their home until they together see an elder law attorney.

At the same time I see people assuming POA who have no idea that they must do meticulous records that can stand up in court. Ignorance is no excuse before the law.

It is sad, always, to learn too late what we should have known.

B BarbBrooklyn Jul 12, 2023 · Answer 8 · 2023-07-12T15:05:18.000-0400

And this from FindLaw.com, a legal service affiliated with Reuters:

"Older adult abandonment is the purposeful and permanent desertion of a vulnerable adult over 65. In general, a vulnerable adult struggles to maintain their physical or mental health. This is usually because the older adult suffers from mental incapacity or disability. The victim may be left at their home, a hospital, an assisted living facility, a nursing home, or a public location. The person doing the abandoning may feel overburdened or believe they lack the resources to care for the victim. Whatever the reason, one can only imagine the confusion and despair that the victim feels."

Wondering about taking your elder into your home?

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