Brought mom home to live with me. I always promised mom I would take care of her if she needed me, but I sure never dreamed she would be bedridden with a colostomy, and a wound that. Still isn't healed after a 4 month hospital stay.when I brought her home she could walk to the living room chair with help, and use the bedside toilet, after one week and a trip to the ER, she now has a catheter, and no strength to stand. I just don't know if being here is what's best for her. We always said mom would come live with us someday, but I'm worried she won't improve. I only have one sister, who has younger kids, so not much help from her. Just hope this gets a little easier, :(

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Glad is spot on here Misty.

You wrote
I always promised mom I would take care of her if she needed me

Your role as caregiver and as daughter is to set the limits and boundaries on what you can do and to ensure Mum gets the best care that is available.

If that means putting her into care then you need to sit with her and have that talk - if she has capacity to understand, if not then it is you who has to make one of the hardest decisions; but think first on this....which would give you more guilt?

making sure she has the best care


keeping her at home and not being able to manage her care and having to face that decision later when you will bolt on feelings of failure just for good measure ...and don't think you won't because we have all done it at some time or other.

Your role now is to find the appropriate place and monitor that it is handling her care properly. She may never recover fully - we cannot know what lies ahead for any of us but knowing you acted in her best interests is what being a good caregiver is all about. Please please don't feel guilty that you cannot cope, be honoured that you have the acted with honesty and integrity in finding her the best care, and become the daughter again. xxx

Misty, it sounds as if you are feeling guilty. Is that the case? We can only do what we can do. You always said mom could come live with you? Was that meant to be in sickness and in health? Would your Mom EVER want YOU to provide the care that you are? Or would she want you to find her the appropriate level of care and go on living your life, as her daughter, not her nurse?

The doctors have been optomistic, but she will need another surgery soon. They were hoping she would be more on her feet by now, shes overcome alot of obstacles, i just wish i knew whats gonna happen, dont know if i can do this forever.

If she gets better it will get easier. How old is she? What does the doc say about her chances of getting better? How long has she been out of the hospital? Was rehab discussed prior to her discharge. It sounds like rehab or a nursing home would be a better place for her to be. The care you are providing is very difficult to say nothing of stressful!

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