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my wife is trying to care for her mom..with dememiza ..when she is showing signs..and i cant handle them both...somethings got to go..

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Does her mother live in the house with the both of you? It can be very exhausting and not feasible long term past a certain point. I'd be honest with your wife that something has to be done. Maybe, she's wanting that you will insist, since many family members seem to have this guilt abut asking for help. I'd write down a list of options, so you can discuss them with her and pick some that make sense. Then, I'd make sure it happens.
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Time for a fishing trip. Actually, your wife may be suffering from burnout. Ask your wife to realize her limitations. Get her in for a complete physical if you can. Ask her MD to talk her out of the caregiving, to protect her own health.
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