My seems to whimper and whine about silly things- not wanting to do things (which she doesn't have to) like cleaning the kitchen floor, or washing clothes. She even gets "whines" or pouts when we have things to do- even going to church functions. My husband says not to give in to her and do what se wants, but I often decline invites b/c I feel guilty and stay home with her.

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Ginnyg ~ How awesome that you are a teacher of first-graders! I have always felt that teaching was one of the most important roles one could be called to embrace - especially in the primary grades because teachers have the power (whether they realize it or not) to inspire, empower, and enlighten the youngsters and help lead them to fall in love with learning and exploring life! While I am quite sure you are physically and mentally drained and exhausted after a full day of beautiful little first graders tugging at your skirt hem wanting your attention, approval, and love - I know you have it in you to muster up more of that creativity, love, and attention for your mom - who needs you now more than ever! God has blessed you with gifts of compassion, communication, patience, humor, and flexibility - I know He has - because that is what it takes to be a teacher - and that is what it takes to be the loving daughter you already are! How great that your mom has SOMETHING she wants to talk to you about! Imagine all the moms out there who don't have a daughter coming home to them - or who don't have the desire or energy to want to talk about anything at all. You are many things to many people - a teacher, a daughter, a sister, a student of life and learning, and a loved-filled caregiver. Don't let the little insignificant things take over your thoughts and your kind heart. You know you are an awesome daughter. Always let that knowledge shine through in your actions. Your mom loves you and needs you. She's done a great job of raising a beautiful daughter!

I am pretty sure she has dementia and the doctor believes/ not tested she has a form of it also. My problem is mainly that we live in her home and cook so that she has good meals but she refuses to let someone come in and help. I have 5 siblings who just seem to leave all of it up to me. I really don't mind, I love my mom but it seems after I come in from a full day of work (I teach first grade) that all she wants to talk about is what needs to be done around the house. With the holidays coming I am almost dreading my time off.

You need to find a balance. Anxiety over not understanding (I'm assuming you mean your mother?) exactly what is expected, or anxiety about being out of the familiar setting could be a lot of it. Has she been evaluated for dementia? Is this very different from her early personality?

Still, you need to get out yourself. An evaluation by a doctor seems in order (for your mother). Anxiety and/or dementia may be part of what is going on. Once you know what is causing this, medication may help, or even some respite care so someone can stay with her while you go out.

Take care,

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