I saw a woman crying today at the Assisted Living facility where my mother lives. She was being comforted by staff because her mother just died. Once again I was confronted with my lack of love for my own mother. I have helped her for 18 years doing increasing levels of care until she moved to AL over a year ago. I still visit regularly, pay her bills, get her sundries, clothes, go to appointments. I strive for patience. Resist manipulation and I lie a lot. The biggest lie is saying I love her. I feel compassion, responsibility, duty. That's as good as it gets. Or ever will.