My 89 year old fathers' behavior has gotten worse. He has a very unhealthy obsession with my sister. If I or anyone else gets close to her he becomes insanely jealous. It does not matter who it is. Me, my other siblings, my children. He will get extremely upset. I cannot take it anymore. Within the past month alone, he has gotten into VERY Heated verbal confrontations with myself, my sister and brother. My children have wound up crying over these incidents. On Monday, I nearly had a nervous break down after an argument with him. Everyone threatens to "have him evaluated" but no one does anything about it.
It seems like all we do is threaten in the situation, myself included. On Monday I screamed into the phone at my siblings that if they did not do something about him immediately that I would leave. Nothing has been done. It make me wonder, if I really did leave if they would finally take action. Im not working from home anymore and I am earning more money. (Still not enough to get any apartment where I live).
His behavior could be due to dementia but honestly, I remember him acting this way from the time I was little. If he does have Dementia, what can be done ? Although he can do things on his own in terms of taking care f himself, I think he should be in an Assisted Living Facility. At home, he sits on the couch staring at everyone or acting helpless. Yet, he does not want my sister to lift a finger. At this point I cant stand the sight of him.
Obsessions are a common thing with dementia. My loved one was obsessed with her cat. She would not let the cat out of her sight. She worried constantly about the cat. She was terrified the cat would escape from the house through a hole the size of a key hole. It caused her great pleasure, but also great distress. Nothing would dissuade her from her obsession. It was caused by her dementia. She received medical treatment, went on medication for her anxiety and lost her cat obsession.
Whatever is going on with dad, I would think a medical opinion would be in order. I would take care to have a professional diagnose him.
I was working from home but it became too difficult to concentrate and deal with Dad drama at the same time. So now Im out of the house all day and that is at least some relief. Thank you all for being supportive and informative.
You should not be caring for him alone. Your siblings may be in deep denial, or they may simply be ignorant that these are not normal behaviors.
Veste fans, on Monday I said those exact words although very tearfully and hysterical over the phone, "If something is not done immediately I will leave.." I dont know why my siblings think talking to Dad is going to do any good for more than a week. Most of his behavioral episodes stem from his obsession with my sister. For instance if she goes on a trip, he gets angry. If anyone talks to her without him being present, he gets paranoid and upset.
Im glad to be able to talk to you all and to receive affirmation that this is serious I think it is too. Most everyone else brushes it off as "he's just old", "he just misses your Mom..".
You do not say which sister, if she is an adult, teen, child.
You do not explain. Maybe you cannot say anymore than you have said.
What does unhealthy mean? And why don't you remove her and any children from the household until you all figure out Dad's problem?
What is missing here?
I would imagine your children are very upset by this experience. It should be immediately addressed. They should not be subjected to such scenes.
Why not discuss this with his doctor? It could be a number of things causing he behavior. You indicate you are giving him daily medication. Why not call his doctor and inform the doctor what is happening. I would think they would want to know about a change in his mental status.
Growing up, my parents never ended brought up the topic of us being adopted. When I had children of my own, we never made an issue out of me or my siblings being adopted. My children know my siblings as they Aunt and Uncles nothing else.
I'm an adoptive mom. We would NEVER in a million years accept anyone saying our kids are not our "real" kids. When you adopt someone they are yours. Sure, they have birthparents too, but adoption is real and that's that.
My siblings and I were all adopted so now in this late stage of life he throws it in our faces every chance he gets. Our mother could not have children of her own so they adopted us each from different families. My older siblings were infants or very young toddlers I was 3. Honestly Ive always felt he never really wanted me around. A child knows, just like my youngest says she has known what type of person he is since was very litfle. After our mother passed away, his real feelings began to show or should I say, he no longer had to pretend.to love any of us. He does not even acknowledge my children as his grandchildren at one point he was calling them "his nieces" From the moment I stepped foot back into the house, he has been horrible toward me and everyone can see it. He even told our HHA that Im not his daughter..She of course took that and ran with it. Thats why she thinks she is in charge of the house because he has made it clear that I am nobody. The other night he reminded my sister that she is not related to my children. Sorry for oversharing but this is a very hurtful situation and it only continues to get worse.
It seems as though, at the very least, your dad is mentally ill. This may be dementia, or just a worsening of a lifelong condition . In your shoes, I would choose what to "argue" about with care. If he says there are elephants in the room, or that your sister is Eleanor of Aquitaine, I'd agree.
Decide what is important (safety, maybe some hygiene ) and leave the rest be.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging and find out what services are available locally.
I would try to discuss the situation with the family and explain that something is not right with him. Theatrics, screaming and getting out of sorts is not really going to help. I would not take his behavior personally. Figuring out the cause and solving it would be the best use of your time and effort.
I would not leave any children with him, until the matter is resolved, since his behavior sounds unpredictable.
Are you doing caregiving tasks for him? What is your status in his home.? How old are your children?