Squee... They haven’t had much of a relationship with him I have always been the one that has gotten everyone together. You are an angel your mom is so lucky to have you!!! You are the good child!!!! High five!!!!!
NeedHelp I think they can’t get over our up bringing. Dad was tough on us... we survived. I look at it like... he’s the only father we get so move on. We are all adults now quit your whining about the past!!
Wren9184 I totally agree with you!!! Karma can be a bugger!!! When I get down I hate the way I feel about them. This to shall pass!!! l hope for my sake!!!
I feel karma will catch up with all of these non-caring siblings!
My sibling also can't seem to move past incidents that happened 25 years ago and bring up these incidents to justify why they can't care for mom. Sometimes in my bleak moments, I feel glad that mom's dementia makes her forget that her other child never calls her.
Just to tell you many of us in the same boat but we still row, row, row our boat......
I don’t see how you can change this situation. As sad as it is. you can’t change their minds. I suppose they have their reasons. Do you know what they are?
Khoody, you said they haven't spoken to your father since they became aware of his condition. And they haven't maintained contact with you. Was this something new to him and/or you? What kind of relationships were in place before his diagnosis?
My 2 older siblings cut off contact when our mom became disabled, had gotten progressively worse, and major decisions concerning her care needed to be made. My mom was destroyed by this - they had not been actively involved in her life, but had often expressed (in vague terms) their concern for her well-being and willingness to help out financially, emotionally, blah blah blah. All of this was empty rhetoric. I had been her sole caretaker for a few years. I was physically, emotionally and financially drained - they knew this. They never offered to help, just stayed in contact to criticize my efforts. It has been 10+ years of no contact.
I'm new to the forum and haven't shared my story yet - a long, harrowing ordeal I shouldn't inflict on the forum or anyone else(!). I guess the point I'm hoping to relate is that you and your dad might find you are better off without them. With the help of therapists, myself and a few friends, mom is slowly coming around to the harsh reality that her children are not the people she assumed(hoped?) they were. I can't imagine that things would be better(easier, happier) now if they were to decide to be involved.
Khoody, Someone on this forum recently reminded me that when my siblings show me who they are, that I should believe them. I’m afraid the same might apply in your situation. There’s a lot of us here flying solo. It’s sad for both the parent and for the abandoned caregiver. Maybe on some level they do care, but denial and avoidance are easier. I don’t know. But I can tell you that I admire you for stepping up and being there for your dad. Hopefully your siblings will realize their error before it’s too late. Sending you strength and hugs!
Thank you for your thoughts Riverdale. Yes, I’m sure it has to do with how we were treated growing up I guess some just can’t move on. I sure hope it’s not the character of the person they are... but I wonder because they haven’t tried to contact me either?? It hasn’t been a picnic dealing with dad a little support sure would be appreciated.
That is sad indeed. Do you think it has to do with the character of the person they are or with how they might have been treated by the parent? Generally but not always the people here are still caring in some ways for a parent who has been negligent,abusive or downright unkind. They may have to deal with behavior that brings great risk yet they don't abandon the parent. I am not implying that all parents discussed here have these issues. I am simply stating that it seems somewhat rare that a parent is completely abandoned although I realize there certainly can be instances of that,that we are not aware of.
I’ve found attending my local Alzheimer’s care givers meetings has given me the information and moral support to help navigate this disease process. I too have a sibling who rarely chooses to show up and participate.
You are an angel your mom is so lucky to have you!!! You are the good child!!!! High five!!!!!
When I get down I hate the way I feel about them. This to shall pass!!!
l hope for my sake!!!
My sibling also can't seem to move past incidents that happened 25 years ago and bring up these incidents to justify why they can't care for mom. Sometimes in my bleak moments, I feel glad that mom's dementia makes her forget that her other child never calls her.
Just to tell you many of us in the same boat but we still row, row, row our boat......
My 2 older siblings cut off contact when our mom became disabled, had gotten progressively worse, and major decisions concerning her care needed to be made. My mom was destroyed by this - they had not been actively involved in her life, but had often expressed (in vague terms) their concern for her well-being and willingness to help out financially, emotionally, blah blah blah. All of this was empty rhetoric. I had been her sole caretaker for a few years. I was physically, emotionally and financially drained - they knew this. They never offered to help, just stayed in contact to criticize my efforts. It has been 10+ years of no contact.
I'm new to the forum and haven't shared my story yet - a long, harrowing ordeal I shouldn't inflict on the forum or anyone else(!). I guess the point I'm hoping to relate is that you and your dad might find you are better off without them. With the help of therapists, myself and a few friends, mom is slowly coming around to the harsh reality that her children are not the people she assumed(hoped?) they were. I can't imagine that things would be better(easier, happier) now if they were to decide to be involved.