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MaPotter, go for it! Get flute lessons, or try to teach yourself. (I wasn't very successful in teaching myself guitar, but at that particular time I wasn't that dedicated to it.)

I really like the idea of your friend's addition of her mother's favorite saying in her quilts.

You've offered some good suggestions - lap quilts for Vets. I've been thinking about seat quilts as well. I noted that some SNFs don't even have pads for wheelchairs, and those chairs are NOT comfortable.

Another thing I've considered is painting flowers and other decorations on walker legs. I met someone on a DIY forum who did this; she said she couldn't keep enough walkers painted to meet the demand. I thought also of the addition of artificial flowers along the front bar to make the walker more like a device of beauty instead of a piece of durable medical equipment.

And go for the hiking. That's something I want to do as well. PM me if you want a link to a great backpacker's forum

OldSailor, do you do any woodworking? Building? I'm curious about crocheting with paracord. Can you elaborate? What kinds of items do you crochet? Have you thought about teaching a class to other men? That would really be unique!

As to basic sewing, I used to teach it through community ed courses, but the room already had sewing machines, so it was much easier than schools which aren't equipped with the machines.

On food courses, do you have any natural health oriented hospitals that have cooking courses? In our area, Henry Ford Health System is a leader in natural foods and natural healing. It has a greenhouse on its suburban campus in which it grows organic produce which is used for the hospital meals and also sold at a weekly farmer's market in the hospital office building.

I've gotten ideas from everyone else who's posted here. This is a thread to which I'll refer as I move forward in my own journey.
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I would like to be able to get out of state. I miss the Northeast. I miss the Atlantic coast. I would like to get in my car and drive without having to worry about what time/day I need to be back. I still want to work, but my current (Mom's) location is sort of a wasteland for anything other than fast food or retail jobs. I would like to be able to pursue a job without regard to its distance from Mom's zip code. I also would like to have more time for volunteer work. Baby cuddler sounds wonderful!
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Take a deep breath and exhale because I have not done that for 5 years since I began care giving for mom, not knowing what that would feel like. Become very selfish to a degree and sleep and sit in a room with no noise of TV, radio, music and know what solitude was like. Leave all those family members who didn't care and who reared their ugliness in the dust and to have no further contact with them would be priceless.

To be in a place where you can reclaim any part of your life and friends, and know that you did your best for the person who was the best; your mom.
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I became shockingly protective of my free time. And got even fatter.

Really, there’s no excuse now.

But man did I crash, once I was able to abandon “performance mode.”

The sh*t we learn about ourselves. And others!
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I'm no longer caring for my elderly parents - dad's been gone 5 years, mom will be gone 2 years this July. The first year after Mom passed, I just kind of floated through life, as her passing was kind of traumatic and brought up a lot of old issues I thought I'd dealt with.

Starting in June the year after Mom's passing, things changed. My daughter and her kids moved out and into their own home (she'd been living with me for a year). I made several long trips for family-related things -son's graduation from high school in another state, taking Mom's ashes to where she wanted us to put them, a trip many states long to my son's military graduation, and then to drive him back to his home and attend his graduation party. Two months later, another long trip with family. It really helped put things in perspective about how free I was to come and go and do things I wanted to do. This year, my focus is more on building my business and expanding it to its full potential, which means higher income for me, which means more ability to travel and do the things I want to do, including helping others. :-)

I do find that aside from the travel, I've become a bit of a hermit. I love just being home, alone with my cat and dog. I enjoy company, travel and spending time with family, but I really do love to get back home to my peace and quiet. So many years of caring for others (kids, spouse, parents, etc) - my whole adult life - and I'm thankful to have time to myself now. And that's exactly what I wished for the whole time I was caregiving. I don't really find myself feeling lonely or longing for company very often. I see my daughter and grandkids every week, and talk to family online or on the phone. For now, that works for me.
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I would volunteer a few days a week and I would get out my artist materials and paint a few hours a day! I would take my life back and feel wonderful again. It’s been 7 yrs of caring and I am struggling to get through the days I care for my 92 yr old mother. She is getting less and less independent, but she is still good mentally and getting her into asst living at this point would be impossible.
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This has been great for the ladies here but, what about the men taking care of their spouse.
I would spend some time at our shooting sports park. Maybe find a fishing hole to linger about.
Try to finish some projects around the house.
Do some more crocheting with para cord.
Continue to be on here trying to offer assistance to those starting their journey where I have been.
Look for personal improvement classes. like basic sewing and cooking.
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GA- that is great about the Vets. We too grow extra veggies to donate to the food pantry.
I think for me, I would be doing the same things I do now, only with an empty spot next to me.

Baby cuddling sounds so sweet and such a wonderful thing to do.
Mapotter- keep the ideas coming, you are throwing a lot of good ideas out there.
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jeannegibbs, You ARE doing something. You are having a profound impact on others on this site.

I didn't submit my question with the idea of giving people suggestions of how they could spend their time (obviously I don't know what others enjoy doing), but I makes me want to throw ideas out that I have thought of for myself....

I often thought of being a baby cuddler. There are Cuddler Programs for premature at babies local hospitals.

There is a neighborhood website called Nextdoor in my area (maybe in yours, too). Someone inquired if there was anyone interested in starting a hiking group. That is something I would like to look into when I have the time.
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I thought about this and the stress I was under trying to care for my mom from another country while I had a job and a family! Once she was gone, I realized I still looked to call her, I was still on edge wanting to know how she was doing and realizing I didn’t have to be this way anymore was difficult. Right now after she passed and the grieving period has subsided, I’m back at the gym and eating healthier, still working, and now focusing on getting her estate figured out. When the estate crap is done (there is so much work, faxing, calls) then maybe I’ll feel like I won’t know what to do with myself!
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GardenArtist, you made me think of one thing I have always wanted to do -- learn to play the flute. I encouraged my daughter to play the flute in music class when she was in elementary school (for a reason!). I kept her flute (got rid of my son's trumpet!). I am not musically inclined, but I love the flute.

Also, a friend where I used to work does quilting. Her mother was also a quilter and would get together with neighborhood ladies at her house to do that. After my friend's mother died last year, my friend still gets together with her mom's friends on weekends and quilts with them (at her mom's house in another state). She also embroidered her Mom's favorite saying and incorporates that in every quilt. My friend said there is sense of peace at her Mom's house.

How about making lap quilts for the veterans in wheelchairs?

cwillie, what about a receptionist job at a hospital? I see many older people at the registration desk at a local hospital where I live (Maryland). Or at a church? (I have thought of that...) Also, a neighbor of my Mom's took a job as a receptionist at a funeral home. I don't know if I'd like that, but....

I love everyone's replies!
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Jeannegibbs - you are one of the best voices on this forum. Encouraging, supportive and with all of your experience - full of very useful and practical advice.
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Very good question. I've thought about this a lot, knowing that eventually that time would come. Now that it has, I'm thinking more about how to integrate it into handling the trust issues, fixing the house up for sale and moving on.

I used to teach quilting, sewing and crochet, and would like to get back to that, but only during the day. What I also want to do is expand it into a healing program for Veterans. Quilting is very relaxing, and can be absorbing, and I was thinking it could help Vets in conflict after in-country service. I've been thinking about this for a few years now.

Sometimes things happen in strange ways. I picked up a VFW magazine in the lobby of the SNF on the day I last visited my father. One article addressed Veterans struggling to live with inadequate food; it's really and truly a crisis.

Well, I have a garden of about 6K square feet, and I can easily add more veggies. So I'm thinking now about how to connect not just with the VA but with Vets in need. I know there are some privacy issues, so I have much more research to do. I may contact one of the local food pantries and find out if any have programs specifically for Vets.

And, something for myself... I've always wanted to continue ballet. Even pushing 74 I want to take classes. I've found a woman who teaches ballet to older women, including those in my age range. So getting in shape for ballet is one of my prime goals. If I lose motivation, I take out a pair of pointe shoes given to me by a friend, and just caress them. It's a potent reminder of my goal.

Thanks for posting such a relevant question, and allowing us to share our dreams of post-caregiving life.
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I sit online a lot and try to help people on AgingCare. Seriously, without the internet I think I'd go insane.
I've tried to figure out what real people actually DO in retirement, contrary to all the advice columns I can't afford to travel the world and I'd much rather work for pay than volunteer, but of course I can't find a job that wouldn't be more physically and/or mentally difficult than I'm currently willing to commit to.
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I no longer am a caregiver, or an employee, or a wife.

I have no idea what to do.
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Go back to work and try to resume my life prior to caregiving, learning how to de-stress from years of being on edge. I do wish I could afford a month off and go away where I was free of any responsibilities except to try and recharge my battery and process through the emotions to start from a healthier mindset.
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