I work full time and since he is unable to manage his usual household tasks, they fall to me to do. He is 82 and I am 58, we have been married for 20 years. I am tired, stressed out and overwhelmed. I try to pace myself with the hh chores, and allow for "me" time. But sometimes it isn't enough. He is usually easy going. but more frequently, all I hear is what he doesn't want to do. Doesn't want to bathe, go to the Dr. take his pills, eat, go to bed at night, get up in the morning. I try to tell him we need to work to gether. I don't force him to do things, but I need him to be more cooperative. I know this is horrible for him as he still realizes what is happening. He often waits till I am at my rope's end before he understands that I need him to help me . I have also developed heart problems and am worried about what would happen to him if I am unable to care for him. Day care is too expensive and he doesn't want to go. I get very frusterated.

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You are a wonderful person for helping your husband yet caring for anyone with Alzheimer's can be very challenging. With a spouse it can be even more challenging. There are many techniques that can be used to help them be more compliant, and many books out to help you. But there is no doubt, YOU need respite from the daily care of your husband and some resources to do that (money).

Perhaps there are other local agencies that provide some respite for you. Florida has a department of Elder Affairs that lists all kinds of help. See if your state has the same 'department'.

It is possible that your husband would qualify for Aid and Attendance from the Veteran's Administration. This could provide additional funds you need to help. Please look at this website and read more. I have no affliation with this service (there is NO cost) but found it very informative and helpful.

Look into the Veterans Aid and Attendance program. Even my mother qualified for spousal help, since my father was a veteran. This is a little known and underused resource that should be explored.

Any War-Time Veteran with 90 days of active duty, 1 day beginning or ending during a period of War, is eligible to apply for the Aid & Attendance Improved Pension. A surviving spouse (marriage must have ended due to death of veteran) of a War-Time Veteran may also apply. The individual applying must qualify both medically and financially. To see the periods of war that have been qualified by Congress. (go to their website for periods of war)

To qualify medically, a War-Time Veteran or surviving spouse must need the assistance of another person to perform daily tasks, such as eating, dressing, undressing, taking care of the needs of nature, etc. Being blind or in a nursing home for mental or physical incapacity, or residing in an assisted living facility also qualifies.

Eligibility must be proven by filing the proper Veterans Application for Pension or Compensation. This application will require a copy of DD-214 (see below for more information) or separation papers, Medical Evaluation from a physician, current medical issues, net worth limitations, and net income, along with out-of-pocket Medical Expenses.

To qualify financially, an applicant must have on average less than $80,000 in assets, EXCLUDING their home and vehicles."

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