I am trying to help my parents from out of state. The whole family has indirectly put pressure on me, hinted around, and directly Ordered me to be my parents' caregiver. Some of them live in the same town, and another is a few hours away. I am a day's drive from them. I have told them all that I can't, it's not going to happen and NO, come up with a plan B. We have our own health issues here. Of course, not the answer they want, so they continue to manipulate.
Since it seemed to me when I have visited multiple times this year, that my parents both have some form of dementia (on top of undiagnosed anti-social behaviors) and had let the house go, were making poor decisions, and I knew I wasn't going to be around to care for them, I involved the hospital social worker. Well, it's been like I called APS on the family or something. Lots of hiding info from me, refusing to answer questions, cutting me out of a meeting with a doctor, yelling at me to get over there to take care of them, not answering My calls or messages, making negative comments about my own family when I AM there to help, etc. I was open with my siblings as I did this and communicated all the hospital info to them at the time.
I have made calls to the doctors to fill them in when Mom has argued with them about medications - to let the doctor know which ones she's taking or how often she skips them. I don't want them to give her more because they're unaware she is not taking them! I have called her daily to remind her to take meds and ended up having to have her take them while she's on the phone with me so she doesn't forget. She is confused and tired later in the day and can't remember what they are for. She has now been diagnosed with MCI and is mad at the dr who referred her to the neurologist so is quitting him. This doctor was treating her for cancer and though he told her he couldn't give her any other kind of chemo, he has been in charge of supportive care.
I have taken several steps back and a seat lately. I am not sure what I've done has helped Anything at all and what's the point when everyone else has something bad to say about the "medical establishment", offer her otc pills and magic pills that will 'cure' her cancer, refuse to take in ANY medical facts, refuse to back me up when I tell them to hire help?
They are all panicking now that she has rejected this doctor... This after spending a year shooting the guy down and antagonizing him. That kind of negativity gets into the dementia brain... what did they expect?
I have had my problems with my parents, I've been the family scapegoat. But I feel that I cannot just leave them out there on their own when the rest of the family is so fully in denial (or else pretending to be). I asked my friend here (who also has been diagnosed with dementia and is in n.h.) what do I do now? She said "You get up in the morning." So I am trying to follow that advice! I thought it was pretty good. She was having a good day.