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Placed my 83 yr mom 6 weeks ago in a nice ARCH, so she's still "in transition" as they say. CG and I agreed that phone chats were only adding to mom's agitation/frustration, so it has been suspended for awhile. Since mom is ambulatory, & alert, CG takes mom out along on outings, including dinners, movies & trips to the mall (pedicures, haircuts)! I'm not charged for these additional expenses, and offers to reimburse are kindly refused. In addition, CG sends texts/videos of their outings which makes me so appreciative of her. All of mom's entire income goes to the CG for her care, and CG is aware of the small budget. She said if mom wants something, she'll cover the cost (and she has previously) if it's not too expensive, and prefer mom not have a debit card. (I had to cancel her card b/c my brother had been abusing the funds anyway.) Recently, mom got upset in a high-end department store cause her card was being denied, and wanted an expensive blouse & for the CG to leave her by herself. She told CG "My daughter would leave me to shop by myself" (Not True, of course). CG calls telling me about the situation, sounding exasperated. She told mom that she couldn't leave her alone. I suggested they go to mom's favorite inexpensive store at the other end of the mall. Mom didn't want to. I could hear mom in the background, still arguing, before CG had to hang up. I really like the CG, who goes above & beyond for mom to help her adjust. My husband say's I'm micro-managing, I don't want to, but how do I address this problem?

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Naia, I'm not quite sure what kind of facility your mom is in, but, I will add that when my LO, who has dementia, was in a regular AL, the calls were daily with one thing or another. It was ridiculous. But, that changed when we transferred her to a Memory Care facility. They are properly trained and equipped to manage the care of people with dementia and they do it. They don't rely on calling me all the time. In fact, the only time they have called is for medical situations or special events like holiday parties, activities. They don't rely on me to do their job. So, I'd figure out what is going on and if they are able to meet her needs.

And if she only gets upset when going out in public, then, I'd take that as a signal that she's not up to it. Perhaps activities need to come to her instead. 
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Telephone calls were also a trigger for my mom. I had to stop all calls completely after five. Just added to her confusion and delusions.
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Thank you everyone for great advice & suggestions. I am joint with mom on her account, so I pay the CG every month from her & my (deceased)dad's pensions & SS with just $5 leftover. I keep good receipts/notes on my end. Mom's debit card had to be canceled, b/c my (homeless) brother was buying things for himself online. We used an agency thru Kaiser for ARCH(Adult Residental Care Home) referrals. Mom was evaluated and qualified as "ARCH" level. (Ambulatory, continent, self-grooming) There were interviews with the ones I thought would be a good fit and met mom prior to my final decision as well as the CG accepting mom as a client. This CG has 4 other clients, some with dementia, but very low key in personality, and not as strong willed as mom. Even with medication, CG says mom still has so much energy and gets bored easily. So she takes mom out to hopefully expend some of that energy so she won't be so agitated during the day. Mom has also taken out her frustration on the other clients by "scolding them" or telling them they have to "go home". At her suggestion, I signed mom up Adult Day Care for a few hours 5 days/week too, which I paid for out of mom's savings. CG said we'll just try it for 2 months to help mom adjust. Her savings too is limited.
In the beginning, CG would call me to talk to mom thinking it would help calm her-it didn't. No matter how much I tried to keep things positive, she kept wanting to leave, go live with my (homless) brother and would get angry and start shouting. So it seems my talking to her was "a trigger" to her anger, so after talking with Kaiser Social Worker & Geriatrician nurse, they agreed we should suspend conversations for awhile. CG is in contact with nurse to discuss medication adjustment.
Basically, Yes, I expected the CG to know how to deal with dementia person. Problem: I don't know WHY she calls me to complain? I gave suggestions I've used when mom was here, even calling the nurse right away to ask about medication adjustment or help with a situation to help the CG manage mom's agitation. I don't know what else to do..everytime my phone rings I get anxious "what now?".
Thank you for all your wonderful help.
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I"d explore the CG's experience, training, and judgment. As dementia patients progress, certain activities may overwhelm them and may need to be modified or suspended, due to risks, like causing mom undue anxiety or confusion. The stories about CG sound odd to me, but, if she's using good judgment, these outings may need to be more limited to ensure mom isn't overwhelmed. I don't get how phone chats with you are too overwhelming, but, daily excursions all over the town are not. So, I'd explore what's really going on. I hope it's fine and CG is just inexperienced.
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H'm. I'm glad you've found a nice place, and I'm glad you like the caregiver.

I hope your mother's income and expenses are being properly accounted for. "Oh I'm happy to cover that" is all very well. But it's not the same thing as records.
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Adult Residential Care Home?
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A Regional Coalition for Housing? If so, is there a care element as well?
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All of mom's income goes to CG?

Phone calls are discouraged?

I'm not understanding this situation at all. Is this person your mother's guardian?
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Can you explain what the ARCH program is? I think that might help us understand better the caregiver's role.
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Why is caregiver taking mom shopping? And paying for things mom wants too? First I would not ask a caregiver to take mom shopping. Heck I wouldn't take mom shopping! Stores came to her in the form of several outfits, what she didn't like I would return. I wouldn't even take mom to grocery shop, did it while she was at daycare. Mom would always disappear only to be found in the candy aisle.😝
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Are you the responsible party for mom? Did you hire the c/g? Is she through an agency? I can't quite understand how a caregiver is offering to pick up these expenses

Early on I sent mom and her caregiver out to lunch via uber - I gave caregiver cash to cover their meals and told her what to order for mom
mom got fussy and told wait staff a woman was following her
Caregiver called me and I spoke to mom enough for her to calm down so they could uber back home
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naia2077, I am just so surprised that a Caregiver can afford to take your Mom out to the movies, dinner, and shopping, and pay for these things from her own pocket. You mentioned the caregiver said "if mom wants something, she'll cover the cost (and she has previously)". To me, that is a major red flag. This is not the norm.

How experienced is the Caregiver with clients who have dementia? If she was highly experienced, she would know exactly what to do and not have the need to call you.

And what happened to Mom's credit card that it was denied?
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Just what is the problem, naia? That the CG called you? Or has some other aspect of this situation upset you?

What should you do? Well, making the suggestion about a less expensive store sounds sensible to me. If you had any other ideas you could share them with the CG. Would talking on the phone to Mom have helped, do you think?
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