What plans have you made for your own aging needs?

I know, it drives me nuts. My husband will not make a will, even though he is older than me and knows my first husband passed away. The only thing I have planned is a plot of land.

Great questions which have me thinking that action is needed on my part. I'm in my late 60s, single with one son. I have my documents in place, but they need to be updated. My son knows my funeral wishes, but I should pre-plan and pay now. I have a longterm care policy when it is time to move to a care facility and know which facilities I would prefer. I plan to remain in my home as long as I am physically able, but I need to focus on downsizing my things. Thanks so much for the motivation your questions provided.

Planning is so important but what people don't plan for is if/when dementia/memory loss sneaks up on them. If at all possible one should assign a Durable PoA who isn't required to prove incapacity to take over management and decision-making. People who think they'll just stop doing this or start doing that "when things get bad enough" have never watched the movie "Still Alice". Although it's about ALZ, this still comes under the dementia umbrella. No one knows if they'll be the one who becomes a dementia sufferer. And at the beginning it is subtle and gradual, and one can be making weird and irrational decisions and changes before anyone else notices there's something wrong with YOU. A critical part of any plan should be that you "downsize" or transition your life BEFORE you think you really need it, or at the first sign or diagnosis of cognitive issues.

We live in a house with 2 full flights of stairs. We can't even get to our kitchen without going up one, or to our cars without going down one. I commented to my hubs at one point that, "The minute one of us has a mobility issue, like knee problem, we're out of this house." He looked at me astonished but I asked him how he thought either of us could manage this scenario: by carrying me on his back up the stairs? He pondered that for a while. He still plays hockey 3x a week and for me it's tennis 3x and the reality is that either one of us is only 1 serious sports injury away from this fact. Planning is necessary and a wise strategy but I'm still also working on having tempered expectations and remaining flexible for whatever comes our way.

My local hospice offered a course called Ducks In A Row for $20. It included a workbook that takes you through all the steps. Alas the pandemic interrupted the course so I only attended a few sessions but they had speakers such as attorneys, nurses, etc to advise.

I’m going to end it when I’m feeling I’m not able to do things for myself or mobility gets hard no point being just sitting in a chair waiting for death?

I’m in the same boat: single, no children and 67! I’m currently in the process of moving my 95-year-old dad from IL to AL due to dementia. My mom died at 90. I thought I could age in place as long as possible, then sell and move to IL or AL. Right now, I’m very healthy and I work diligently on maintaining my health. I like your guardianship idea. I have thought of giving a POA to my accountant who is 15 years younger than me, but I’m still in the process of establishing more relationships. I don’t think I will need anything until I’m close to 80. My parents didn’t move into IL until they were 90 and 92. Mom died from hemolytic anemia which she got when she was 70. It’s inherited. Anyway, I am thinking about the hurdles I will be facing without a close family member to assist me. Thanks for bringing this topic up.

It sounds like you have dotted the i s and crossed the t s. We have done all of that but do make sure the executor of your will is young enough to function when you die. My Aunt chose her brother as executor. When she died at 90 my father was 95, in a wheelchair and had mild dementia and couldn’t function as executor. It was the death of both my parents and preparing for that which had me plan ahead. I recommend The Five Wishes. (Google it) for slightly more specific end of life suggestions. I myself took the EPEC course (End of Life and Palliative Care) which is a course for those in the health field.) It covers all medications which may be prescribed when one is near death, signs of impending death, how to talk to family etc etc. The customary healthcare proxy is limited in that it seems to indicate whether you want extraordinary measures or not. More specific forms indicate how, if for example you have a fever, you’d still want an antibiotic. If you are not in the health field, do read many good books on the subject. If you feel in a good place and it is your friends you are talking about who didn’t plan, refer them to the book “Talking About Death Won’t Kill You.” My husband and I went as far as buying. Funeral plot, a stone and prepaid funeral. Make sure the location of your documents is well known by your executor. However, most of us don’t just die all at once or even in hospice care. We may need lots of physician’s visits; we could need a hip or knee replacement and temporary NH placement. All of these may require help from friends or family. (Not sure how an assisted living would handle that). My sister in law needed daily trips to outside PT AFTER 2 week at home PT. We may become mildly mentally impaired and forgetful which doesn’t necessitate placement so the guardianship idea is a good one. If you are healthy, you might consider Long Term Health Insurance. Anyway-way to go facing reality!

Beatty, I have had many friends use it that way with their spouses, parents, in-laws! It's eminently readable and the password diary idea has been invaluable for us.

Also, my husband insisted for years that having his list of meds (all 15 if them) in his phone was sufficient. It's not. I can't get into his phone and if he's lying inert on a gurney, I want a paper list!!

I finally got it!

Barb, that '5 at 55' book - going to pop in into DH's Amazon cart.. good conversation starter. Thanks!

I am slightly passed mid 60's
I have a Long Term Insurance that costs me dearly each year but I figure it is worth it.
Luckily the house that I found when our old house was no longer "safe" for my Husband (not handicap accessible and would have cost a fortune to adapt it and to make the repairs that were needed.) was built handicap accessible. Roll in shower, ranch home, no carpet, wide halls, wide doorways. Because of this I figure that I can remain here until "they" put a tag on my toe and haul me out feet first.
I am slowly but surely getting rid of "stuff" that I am sure no one wants. Problem is I have to get others to look through the old photos and to take the boxes of forgotten things that belong to them (kids! and their stuff)
A lot of this is what might be called a winter project. Bring a box of stuff up from the basement and go through it and toss most of it. Plan on a box a week. (best laid plans...)
I do have to get my Will done again. Much of it is outdated since my Husband died.
I do have POA for Health selected. I have POA for financial selected.
I do not have a POLST signed by my doctor but my sister (POA for health) is aware of my wishes. POLST will probably get done during my next appointment.
Funeral plans are written out for both POA for Health and the POA for finance.
I will probably look into prepaying that some time in the near future. That way there will be no plans that any one has to decide on and the money will already been taken care of.
Important papers are in a safe and my sister knows the combination.


@ Frances73....might want to also have funeral plans written out someplace else other than the Will. Sometimes the Will is not read until after the funeral. Since you have someone you trust to take care of matters provide them with a copy of the funeral arrangements.

My husband and I are 60, but we did all the usual paperwork back in our 40s when our kids were still quite small. We formed a trust, wills, POAs, advance medical directives, and instructions regarding our children's care if something should happen to us. We sent copies to my brother and his wife as they were the ones who would take the kids. Now that our kids are grown and our financial situation is quite different, we updated everything two years ago. Our son, who is the first successor trustee, has copies of all the paperwork.

The whole thing took a very short amount of time each time, and I can't understand why people won't don't do this. We only got my folks to get all their affairs in order in 2015, and my dad ended up dying just three years later. It would have been a complete train wreck had we not nagged him into doing it when we did, but instead, when he became ill and Mom already had early dementia, we were able to have them resign from their trust and allow me to take over immediately before either of them died. When Dad passed away just a month later, everything was seamless as I assumed caring for Mom.

The only thing we haven't done is make funeral arrangements. Neither of us really cares what happens to our remains, and my parents didn't either. I had a conversation with my dad about which cemetery he'd like to go to, but otherwise, I took care of everything and it wasn't a big deal. Same went for my mother, and I paid a third of what I paid for Dad, having learned that just cremation doesn't need to go through a fancy mortuary. A pre-paid funeral would have no doubt cost far more than necessary. We have plenty of funds to pay for our funerals when the time comes, and our son will have access to our accounts, so there's no reason to make a big deal about that in our case.

all paperwork in place, always saved as much money as possible. Money is key to a good retirement.SAVE SAVE SAVE

Frances, you should ask your friends what happens if their plan a predeceases them?

Our youngest daughter died unexpectedly at the age of 41 from a prescription drug interaction. Not that she was ever part of our plan but, I think her bio mom expected her to help.

I would also direct these people to this website and ask them if they really love their offspring why would they ever want to hijack their lives to prop them up? Selfish attitudes are what make adult offspring the plan.

At 57 I am living in a single-level ranch house beside my nephew's house with no yard work responsibilities; just occasional kid-sitting and chauffeur duties. I plan on staying here for another 5-10 years. When the youngest grand-nephew graduates high school I will be moving to an assisted living ranch condo I am currently renting out. At the 2BD 2BA AL condo, I can add services I need, like medication management, housekeeping, meal prep, and check-ins. With a little luck, I can stay there for the rest of my life. It's near a popular section of town, so there are restaurants and shopping all around and uber transportation too. The town has vans for the senior center and a service for senior assistance transportation (walker and wheelchair). Even though I am the youngest person there, I have started joining the seniors on card afternoons; I even got my 67-year-old brother to join me! Our family loved playing cards on Sunday afternoons but we have problems finding 4 who aren't too busy these days. Three mornings a week, I participate in a water exercise class.

I have all my documents in place. One of my older brothers has my primary POA and the combination to my safe where he can find all the documents and passwords he will need. The successor POAs are younger first cousins with no conflicts of interest. Everything I have left (if there is anything) goes to children's charities.

I have finally reached a point in life where I have no daily caregiving responsibilities - not to my grandparents or the family's children or my parents. I just need to help a dyslexic grand-nephew a bit. I'm still getting accustomed to that after my mother's death 3 months ago. I intend to raise a small garden and enjoy being in the church choir again, join CASA, and travel some (as long as health allows), taking a small travel trailer across the country to visit the people and sites I haven't had the time for previously. Maybe a grand-nephew or niece will join me for some of those trips.

Moved into an accessible coop apartment when I was 50. Elevators, porters, handymen on staff. No shovelling, raking etc., required.

Saved prodigiously for retirement and we are now in the "active retirement" (travel, hobbies) phase. My assets should allow us to self-fund facility care.

Kids know not to expect inheritence or caregiving duties except possibly accompaniment to med appointments when our judgement goes.

Wills, DPOAs and HCPs in place. I am visiting an eldercare attorney next month to discuss whether I need a trust.

There is a great little book called "5 at 55" that explains the 5 dicuments you need to complete at age 55. This includes a list of all your passwords.

A. Age in place - the right size to stay independent. So for me that means a home that meets my needs but can be managed ourselves/by one of us. In a town of the right size to have amenities, activities & medical services. (No interest in keeping a grand home I need others to run, or the city if I feel unsafe/worried/unfit to navigate around in it or a quiet country spot if it lacks services meaning long commute to a bigger city). Fussy? Yep!

B. Move into IL or AL when needed - if affordable! Otherwise, it's back to choice A & struggle on stubbornly!

C. Care home (NH). Make the best of it.

D. Demise

Have ALL paperwork & legal in order within next few years. Would do now but Mr WeDon't NeedToDoThatYetDoWe? Sigh. So next big birthday I will force it.

Zero plans for kids to do for us.

Have Long term care insurance and my assets to take care of me. I have no children and wouldnt want them to if I had any. I think everyone should have a plan. My parents didn’t and now we are scrambling to get Mom help for assisted living. My dad passed quickly so no need for extended care. People are living well into their 90s!’

This question has been asked several times on this forum. I recommend you move this to Discussions (since this is what it is), and then use the search function to see prior threads. Search similar to: "what plans have you made for your own aging care" etc. and a lot from other contributors on this forum will come up.

"I was shocked to hear that no one, ages 50-60, have made plans other than aging in place and apparently not dying. All are expecting their children to take care of them! Even after all the issues dealing with their parents they don’t seem to consider it might happen to them and what impact it will have on them." Yup, this is sadly the chronic denial problem (or naivety?) that keeps people creating disasters for themselves and their LOs.

Great question Frances!