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My husband has dementia/Alzhentia. I have taken care of him for a long time. He is 80 years old. I am 61 years old and has a disability of Panic disorder/post trumatic stress. It has gotten where I can no longer take care of him and is with him by a very thin thread. He is wandering off from home. The police has brought him home so many time as well as other people because he can not get home. Most of the time he seems to remember his address and name but sometime he can not remember. I had follwed him in the car and intercepted him when there is deep confusion. Some time I am able to get him into the car and some time I am not. He crosses busy interception and in the middle of busy streets withou looking and he will walk in the street. Not to long ago he was trying to crosss a free way and a man picked him up and brought him home and told me that I needed to put him in a facility where he can not hurt himself. The police has dicipled me and told me that I am going to have to keep him off the street because he was going to get hurt. A car almost hit him and the police was called and they brought him home. I have no help with him at all and my disability has gone back to having panic attacks more frequent than before. He also has hitme, kick me push me several times. He verbally abuse me daily with the most foul language. He has tried to wash clothes in the toliet, He will try and leave home in the middle of the night. He is always looking for a sharp object or something to use as a weapon near him. He has treathen me with knife and other objects. He forgets who I am. I think he thinks I am somebody who has broken in becuase he always says How did I get in. You do not have a M.F. Key to my door. After I talk him down and he eventually remember whp I am. He does not communicate anymore, you ask him something and he talks about something else. He is constanly talks to his self almost all day. He does not like to be touched especially when he is that state of mind. He has gotten garbage out of the trash can outside and has putin on a plate and put it into a mirco wave to eat. He has no reasoning. If I leave cookies or cake or bread on the table he will eat all of it until it is gone. Sometime he see bugs and he will take a briush or towel or what ever he get his hands on and start wiping them. You tell him there is not bugs and he become very angry. He will take frogen food and dry good foods out of and try to cook them in the package.Several time he has tried to climb out 5 feet high fence in the back yard. Neigbors has caught him and tried to help him and while they are taking him off the fence he is trying to hit them or kick them and sometimes is successful in hitting them with his walking cane. When you try and stop him from doing this things he become very abusive and sometime violent. There is a lot more things his behavior has adjusted to. I have only given a few examples. He had a stroke last year and they put him on a asprin a day. He refuses to take his medications as well as other medications. I know it is time for him to be someplace where they can keep him safe. My question is as his wife can I have him put into a assisted living if he does not want to go? He can not make that decison for himself now. He is not cabale. When he seems to be in his right mind I have tried to talk to him about this and he tells me he is not going anyplace and that he is going to die in his home. He says he can take care of his self. He does not remember any of the things he does when he is in the other mind.

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You might need to call 911 to report him missing at some point, so be sure to have a recent photo (not a happy photo, one of him in his typical frown).

If he becomes violet with you, please call 911 and have the police and ambulance come. At that time, he needs to be taken to the Emergency Room for n emergency psychiatric evaluation. There are medicines which can help him too, and this will enable him to get them, plus get you out of harm's way.

Right now, you need to call Adult Protective Services or whatever it is called in your area and ask what to do in your financial situation. APS can help you understand your options, and can even have someone appointed guardian so you don't have to deal with his care - Or they can help you become his guardian after they explain the responsibilities. You might file the paperwork for emergency guardianship while the husband is in the hospital for psych eval.

Hang in there - it's hard, but necessary. You are doing this because you love him.
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