well it’s done. i looked down the road at my brother auction. we had to go down and cut grass and work on the farm. of course with the auction already started yesterday at my brother, we were going to take the road down from their house so i didn’t have to drive by it. my luck that road was closed. i knew there were going to be trucks there with trailers but actually seeing them was worse than i thought. my husband was trimming down trees and you could hear the auction. they actually auctioned off the wagon they gave my mom a couple years ago but my sister in law told my husband she needed it and it’s hers . if my daddy and grandpa could have seen this they would have been crying so hard. and seeing all the trucks parked along the road by my moms. but the final thing was seeing the combine drive past my moms house. it was the end. also there was a d-15 tractor that we learned how to drive on. i remember hauling a wagon behind it collecting ears of corn for my horse. my husband was going to buy it for me but thete was no way we would have gone up there. thank god i didn’t see that being hauled away . if he was talking to me maybe i could have bought it and it could still be in the family. we did stay at a hotel so we could be alone for a little while. i was so exhausted and we never got there until 8 pm. i have a huge void in my heart. also i heard the auctioneer say that everything has to be gone by sunday. there will be nothing left monday. so they will be gone asap. but i did see the for sale sign back up for the house. so yesterday i cried so much. today wasn’t quite as bad because it was small stuff. they literally sold anything that wasn’t bolted down. back up a little, we did take my father in law to my brother in law who started back drinking last week. there house has three grandkids in it and is a complete mess. my poor sister in law has an alcoholic husband and her daughter is due today and she is married to an alcoholic this is her third child. she has 650 sheep and border collies she breeds. she has enough going on. my brother in law works 16 hours a day and drinks. so we left today and yeah she was upset and hurt she was saying she lost her son. so we pick up my father in law who is whining about everything. my brother in law was getting to the irrigation place with him. he was obsessing over the driveway slab and how he never cleans it. plus my dog won’t eat now because she got into cat pooh. i called my mom when we got home and i guess the neighbor said they bought a five bedroom house outside of nashville he even saw a picture and it’s huge. so my mom is saying things like his daughter is probably going to live with them. i said maybe so they can get on their feet and pay off her student loan. she is a doctor of physical therapy. she was being really crabby with me and i just said i can’t do it. i told her i will not allow her to take this out on me. my husband just spent two of his days off taking care of her. i lost my son. i said we don’t know what the future holds but i can’t listen to her go on and snap at me. i am hurting too but i now have to take care of my father in law. she gets in these self pity and she is the only one this has happened to . she will say how much she sacrificed for her kids and then talk about how my brother does this for his kids and his wife that’s where all the money went. i said to her that’s how you raised him to take care of his family. i can’t listen to poor me and then i ask her what is wrong i get nothing nothing nothing. she would do this to me all the time when i lived 4 hours away and after a half hour she finally tells you . i really don’t have that much time in my day. she always did it when she needed money. then she will snap at me “i just don’t feel good “ i don’t know what to do. plus when we left she was fine. what do i do. i left today and at least i knew he was up the road but next week he will be gone. i am so overwhelmed. once again i am so sorry for this long post. i just wanted to update you all. thank you guys for your support and love. any suggestions i would appreciate.

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I agree with JoAnn that it was good that you were at your Mom's house and were able to "experience" the farm sale. As JoAnn said, the sale is a form of closure. You have experienced a GREAT LOSS and you need to let yourself and your Mom grieve.

The chapter about your brother farming his farm and your parents' farm has closed. It is time to for you to start a new chapter. Your brother has already started a new chapter in his life by moving. It looks like your next chapter will include taking care of your FIL--which will be a challenge.

Take Care & God Bless!

I think it was good you were there. Its kind of closure. I know it will be hard but now you have to move on. You cannot do anything about your brother. For whatever reason, ur brother made his choices. I had posted before that from my view, he had been thinking about this for awhile. I think what you said to Mom was good. None of this is your fault. You are not responsible for others actions. Now is the time to set boundries.
When it comes to FIL, he is your husbands responsibility. Iam big on the men care for men. Women, women. Do what you feel comfortable with and set boundries there too. Its YOUR home. You have welcomed him into your home, he needs to appreciate it. One day at a time. 😊

I know two people whose houses burned down. One was a child at the time, the other an adult home-owner. They lost every thing. Their clothes, their furniture, their toys, the artwork on the walls. Everything. And worse than the items that could be replaced with insurance money, they lost all their mementos and keepsakes and scrapbooks and family pictures.

They suffered a great loss. They went through a period of mourning. I think this is what you are doing right now. It is perfectly understandable to have such sad feeling over material possessions, when they are associated so closely with personal memories of experiences and people. Be gentle with yourself. This is a sad time for you. You will get past the worst of this sadness, as my two friends whose homes burned down have.

I didn't quite follow the parts about the "poor me" relatives in your life, but since their behavior is so upsetting to you, I suggest you reduce the contact you have with them, at least while everyone's nerves are so raw over recent losses.

Hang in there!

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