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You know, there are times when a simple thank you is common courtesy and it’s not his memory. I have to keep biting my tongue. For his birthday I made a steak dinner and got him a cake even after working on an appeal for my mom's medical bills. I spent 4 hours first writing an appeal online and it disappeared, so for the fourth time I was on the phone with the insurance company thinking I am finally getting somewhere. But my hopes where shattered again.


I was a little frustrated but I thought I would make his birthday nice. I called him to the kitchen to get his food. Well, he puts his nose to the plate and he said, "what’s this?" I said steak. He said, "I don’t eat meat, I am a vegetarian." My husband said, "you haven’t been a vegetarian for years and you get shots because you are lacking red meat." So he takes his plate and eats. I asked him was everything okay? He said no thank you just "I don’t eat that stuff." When his wife and him invited themselves every Sunday, they sure ate meat then. Then I bring out his cake and birthday card. No thank at all. I guess I shouldn’t have any expectations. He is going back to the entitled personality he had before the accident. How do I not go crazy?


My husband took him grocery shopping so he can get all his vegetables since he is a vegetarian. My husband said he is like a kid in the store. He wanted a 7 dollar drink, then sushi. Lee kept asking him what about lunch. All he bought was cookies, ice cream and candy and two frozen meals. We ate while he was planning our backyard. When he sits out there he knows everything and he has all these ideas, so he got his sushi, ate two pieces and went right to the ice cream. Our refrigerator is at 50 because he sits in front of it forever. My husband even has notes all over the place. So I really need more advice on how not to get upset.


Then my mom was in a really bad place saying she is waiting for my dad to yell at her for making my brother leave. I don’t know what to do for her. She talks on the phone with people but the majority of the time she sits and thinks about my brother leaving. We had a good conversation and cried together. We are both grieving a loss. The neighbor asked my brother if he is going to say goodbye to her and he said no. The neighbor told him it’s still your mom but nothing. I guess they haven’t sold their house yet. They bought a 5-bedroom house outside Nashville. She needs to occupy her mind. She crochets and watches tv. She said she is fine, she has her dog. Any suggestions on both situations?

And staff, do not do things for anyone and expect a thank you. Do it because you enjoy doing something nice for others, regardless of what they say. There are plenty of people out there that feel entitled and forget about common courtesy.
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you all have no idea how much i appreciate your words of advice and your support. thank you
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I agree, let FIL do what he wants. Treat him like a child. You cook one thing. If he doesn't want it he can make himself something. I would not go out of my way for him. Let ur husband deal with him. But, he needs to go by ur rules.

Like I said before, brother had been thinking of leaving and Mom and Dads will r just the scapegoats.  Its done, you need to put it behind you.  It will take longer for Mom.  
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Staffbull, I have watched you grow in confidence and self-respect ever since your first postings about the problems with your Mother, your Brother and the farms. Keep up the GOOD WORK!!!

Take each day at a time. Easier said then done. Let your FIL do what he wants as long as it does not disrupt your household too much. Set boundaries with him when you need to. He needs his independence too. (Notice I did not say "He is ENTITLED to his independence.") Continue interacting with your Mom as you have in the past and set boundaries. You both need to grieve what has happened with your brother and with the farms.

God Bless and Good Luck! ^^Prayers^^ and {{{{{Hugs}}}}} =^..^=
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Staff, leave your FIL alone. Do the barest minimum basics for him that you have to and leave it at that. Don’t do anything extra because you have learned your lesson. Spend the money on a steak dinner for you and your husband. If FIL is spending his money on groceries, let him go ahead and buy nothing but junk if he wants to. If you’re spending your own money, go shopping by yourself. He eats what you eat or he doesn’t eat. He’s “entitled”to nothing. Nada. Living with you is a privilege and not a right. Be pleasant but remember you are not his servant. Freezer? Simple.  “SHUT THE DOOR!!” If he doesn’t, shut it for him and hope he gets his nose out of the way before it gets knocked off by the door. 

Situation #2–Mom’s issues. When she complains to you, don’t let her draw you into her drama. You are working for her behind the scenes on her medical stuff. Do that. Period. When she calls to vent, say “Mom, I love you but I’m a little busy right now. Can we talk about this later?”

Be good to you. You deserve it. When people see you’ve upped your self-esteem, they will up their opinions of you as well.
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