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I sent the DMV the form to have my mother's driving assessed. She will be LIVID, but she won't know it was me. I am sure she will have to take some kind of driving test, which she will fail. It is only a matter of time before she has an accident. If she were to hurt or kill someone I'd never be able to live with myself. It has been some time since she could navigate putting gas in the car, or keep track of when the registration or inspection needed renewing.


I did a Carmax review and her car is worth more now than when she bought it gently used in 2014. That's $15k that can be put towards hiring privately to take her around town. It will more than outlast any transportation needs she has even if she lives another ten years. Plus no more insurance to pay.


I know I've done the right thing and I'm not even going to second guess myself. It should have happened years ago.

My mother with (now diagnosed dementia/Alz) was in a bad accident in July after months of me begging her to willingly give up driving. My brother wasn’t on board then…..but he is now!

She was driving on a beautiful day up the main road to our home (the road is wide and only a few curves). My Mom literally drove off the road for no reason (to this day can’t explain why) into a five foot deep gully. She proceeded to go headfirst into a telephone poll knocking down the wires for over 300 feet. The poll went across the road and thankfully no other cars or people were involved. Thankfully she had her Jitterbug on her and a woman driving by was able to find the emergency number and call me and 911!

In the end, Mom was fine other than bruised ribs and ego. My brother and I made the decision to have her cease all driving. The condition was that in order for her to continue living with me, she would have to agree to give up driving. She reluctantly agreed. She still complained she can’t drive and even after her Alz diagnosis….still states she’s fine and has no memory issues. Sometimes tough love needs to happen. You absolutely did the right thing reporting her to the DMV! You can also get a doctor’s note too to recommend the driving cease. I’m not sure if her doctor will do that for you…. Depending on whether you have any sort of healthcare proxy?
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Bolliveb, well done.

Small towns do have benefits that large cities don't.

I am glad you have reliable people because Uber and Lyft for ailing seniors scares me.
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Thanks everyone for affirming I've done the right thing. If Uber or Lyft were available in her area that would be ideal. I could arrange rides for her from my phone no matter where I am. Unfortunately it is a very small town. Nothing like that available. However, there are trustworthy people who will drive her for a small fee. My cousin and I have been working with trying what is best for our elderly parents, so we have a network of private caregivers.
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Congratulations! Thank you for putting your mom, and other’s lives, first. I did the same with my mom and know it was the right decision.

I don’t care she is upset about losing her driving privileges. Better to lose that than her own life, or someone else.
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Good job, and this is prime time to sell a used car because new ones are so hard to get. It's a win-win all around.

(Mom may not agree, but...)
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Yay -- you go girl! If she's livid maybe tell her a therapeutic fib that people "her age" are required to go in for a retest. I don't think the letter will say WHY she's being told to come in.

Additionally, even having her license revoked may not stop her from driving. You may still need to physically remove the car so she can't drive it, and tell other family, neighbors and friends to never lend her their car. You don't have to wait to get her used to alternative transportation. Go out on a lunch date with her using Uber or Lyft and see what she thinks. Do it more than once. Arrange for others to ferry her to appointments and give them gas gift cards. When my in-laws were imploding I gave out Target and Cub Foods gift cards to neighbors and told them to buy anything my in-laws needed and for themselves as a thank you. It worked great. Ideally you'd do it with proceeds from the sale of your mom's car. So glad you did a hard thing!
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Good job, B!

If mother is livid, so what? Her anger has no power over you.
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Well done! bolliveb.
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