I'm Only 38! Welcome to my pity party!

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I've been on this forum since taking on care giving for my 85 year old father. As I sit in the hospital with him...again while waiting to go clean out another desk (this will be job loss number 3 since giving up my good paying job because it required lots of travel)...I'm resentful.

This is not what I pictured my life to be. I had a great career that allowed me to travel. My plan was to make good money and start a family later in life. Since taking on the care giver role ( Daddy's other living children provide minimal help), I've gained 25 pounds (don't have time to exercise; junk food has become my friend), my house foreclosed, I lost my car, I work two jobs and still can't make ends meet, I broke up with my BF (I'm no longer a nice person)... Everything fell apart.

I put Daddy in IL and was actually going to steal a couple of "me" days this week then BAM! He gets sick again.

I was recently cussed out pretty badly by a younger niece and accused of being selfish...am I? From what I've seen, I'm one of the younger care givers...The average age of children with parents my dad's age is 50.

I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes I miss my old life. My friends are living their lives...traveling, marrying, etc. (Wait...that's my sister who takes mini vacations with her new hubby bi-weekly)

I've wasted away to an angry, sad, fat worthless slob and I hate myself for it...

Sorry for the pity party. I'm just exhausted...

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I was re reading my post and OOPs... I wad 45yrs when Mom was 85... She had me when she was 40 yr...
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Ah yes Happy Girl but we seem to gain responsibilities along the path of life. Certainly we are responsible for bringing children into this world and to nurture them. We are responsible as citizens to uphold the law, and a whole host of stuff I swear I never wanted responsibility for!!!
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You came into this world responsible for ONE life: yours!
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right her with you ... 40 plus... my life is on hold..At least i have my job ...live with my mom -shes a doll, and my only family i have left..i love her with all my heart-she has heart and mobility issues ..i have no help..i also have no social life, few friends (no time ) and this is till my "moms" house i lives in..so even though she may be cool-i will alwasuy her her daughter and have to be respectful of what would maker her uncomfortable... basically i live like a teenager in this house again...ie not moving forward in my life... .ughh....
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I am going to support group and it is very helpful.
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Mj... coming on here and looking at what other people are going through and how they are coping, as well as asking for advice or just venting is a step in the right direction. See if your area has a caregiver support group that you can go to, the one we have here offers respite care while you attend.
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I am definitely depressed but don't want 2 burden.my friends.I have decided to talk to my friend about how I feel. Im sure I would feel better. My coping skills must increase and perspective must change so that I can navigate through THIS phase. This could last 4 years. so Ive gotta look at positive. Think benefit from counseling put it into right frame of mind.
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Definitely not alone.. I am 39, and my MIL is 81. There isn't a day that goes by that I want her out of my house and in a facility. Everyone keeps telling me to "take time for yourself, put her in ADC for a day, you just have to budget spending $40 a day for you to have a day off"... I finally took care of myself last February, by having knee surgery I had put off for years, it ended with me being worse now than before, and being on STD from February to June, and now am on LTD since June. Granted I am getting 70% of my prior pay, and my husband makes good money, so our bills are paid. Her SS covers her insurance and the food for the house. I DESPISE telling my 15 year old son, that he can't get a $20 download for his game system, because I need to use that money to put Nana in ADC, so I can do the normal day to day running around that gets put on hold. I too have gained weight, junk food is my friend, as are the stress headaches, the digestive system issues, and the depression from not being able to do what I want to do. I have to hire someone to stay with her to go on a field trip with my son, or have a weekend away with my husband. So no you are definitely not alone, and you are definitely in the right place to vent and get opinions.
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I also understand the feelings of resentment while other peoe live their lives u r limited. You know u r doing great and right thing but it leaves u exhausted all the time. Hard find the balance. I still don't know how. I got to learn compartmentalize. my thoughts so I can cope better. This forum has helped me express my feelings n safe place with people understand. hang in there it will b ok.
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I understand what u mean.I am the caregiver for both my parents. My mom has early stages ALZHEIMER'S and dad is 88. He need go to nursing home but don't wanna go. I can't do this anymore. I am on disability but Im totally physically and emotionally burnt out. I cry all the time. I can't afford to keep living on disability and must go back work so adjustments gotta b made. Gotta tell my Sista, brothers that I gotta go back work bcuz prepare 4 my future. I feel like my like stopped and Im only 44, single, no kids. Having hard time transitioning bcuz I am limited with my health issues. Stressed out. Overwhelmed all the time. Praying helps but Im looking for free counseling now help cope
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