We went to see daddy today....

Lacey I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are not alone. To have to watch our loved ones slowly decline with this illness is some type of hurt that I just have no words for. It sounds like he is placed where he is getting the care he needs, which is great. It also sounds like you are actively looking over him, and I think it is great that he has you beside him on this path. As for us though, no, it is just not easy. I think there are good days and bad days, and you learn a little about how best to make it through as you go along. I really like what AlvaDeer posted, and will be taking away those words myself. Let the joys and simple beauty of life leak in. Share in our online community whenever you want. The people here are great. Also, reach out to local resources for in-person support groups too because sometimes it helps to sit among others who understand.

Yes, hon. It is painful and it is so bad that at times you think that, if you have to see someone you so love lose themselves to this terror, you can never be happy again, you would rather be dead. I so remember this with my brother's diagnosis. I wished us both dead and gone. I would have pretty much done anything (except those things that Dorothy Parker's poem lets us know "hurts"). The truth is, painful as this is, and it IS painful, there will be times that the beauty and joy of life leak on through the holes. Let the joy leak back in when it can. It is horrific what our elders often face at the end when they take a long slow slide instead of a plummet into death. And we are the witness to it. It hurts like all heck for sure. Try to take care of yourself. Walk. Walk. Walk. Look at the world. Know that there is a whole world other than just this. You are not alone. So many others suffering seeing this slow descent. I am so very sorry. But please, let the joys, the simple beauties of life leak back in. CRY when you must cry. Curl into a ball of depression when you must, and just SINK INTO IT. Is all this loss not worth that, those moments of despair. It is OK. You will come back up to the surface and take a breath. I SO KNOW what you are feeling. I wish I could give you a hug. I know it would do no good. Let yourself feel it. It's OK. It is WORTH feeling, isn't it?

Yep.  And it won't get any better.  There will be good days.  Cherish these and remember them when you think you can't do it any more when the days are beyond horrible.  Get into a support group NOW.  If he has dementia or Alzheimer's, get into a group for that.  ATTEND these group meetings on a regular basis.  If is it a mental illness diagnosis, then find a NAMI group in your area.  NAMI is National Alliance on Mental Illness.  I just finished a training class of 12 weeks, and I attend a spinoff group twice a month to blow off steam even though my mom has recently been diagnosed with a little known MI issue.  Her issues are dementia and Alzheimer's, so that support group will be next on my agenda to do.  I have been dealing with this for 3 1/2 years, and there are days when I feel like you do.  If you have siblings, get them involved with your dad's care and don't no for an answer.  Share the responsibility of his care with them.  Unless they are in a body cast in traction, or some other REAL reason that they can't help, then DON'T accept excuses from them.