After chatting with everyone on the forum the other day in regards to my 90 year old mothers Narcissistic behaviour and her favouring my second sister and her husband, hubby and I have decided that we dont want to be involved with any of her legal's. Sounds harsh but as I said my sister and her husband have had a hidden agenda with mother and now its working. They want to take over her affairs then so be it.
My hubby and I cant go on living in a constant state of stress and excess anxiety. We are incredibly sad that we have been treated like this and feel it best to just let my sister and her husband take over the lot.
As I said the other day they have always been the golden haired children and can do no wrong when they have been devious, underhanded and have lied to her so many times in the past that we feel we are best to just "Dump" being Power of Attorney, Gaurdian etc. I am on her records as her Primary Carer but after what she has done over the last couple of weeks we dont want to be held accountable for the fact that if she has to go into care it may not be here in her home town.
In NSW AUSTRALIA if someone needs to go into care and there are no facilities/room available here they will send her to wherever is available.
I know it sounds brutal but given the behaviour of her and my sister and her husband and my brother and sister in laws behaviour it won't matter what we (hubby and I do) we will get toasted by our other siblings if she is sent off to another town.
It wont matter what decision we make we will get attacked by all of them.
She has a "Unity" care package in place so its not like she does not have access to assistance with absolutely everything, gardening if needed, home maintenance, plumbers, nursing if showering is needed. Absolutely everything.
My hubby and I have been there for her for the whole time even before she had illiostomy surgery for bladder cancer 16 years ago.
We took her on holidays, took her to see her brother and sister when she was well enough to travel, took her on day trips, took her meals, took her to chinese and the list goes on and on and now she has turned on us like pack of wolves and we dont feel we owe her a thing after this.
I know many of you may think this is brutal but it is necessary or one of us or both of us will have a heart attack and we were only blessed with one child and none of my family bother with him and he is a beautiful young man who doesnt need sick parents at the tender age of 22
I have done what everyone suggested and stayed away and I have not attempted to contact her as I know she will just ignore my calls anyway.
If I go to her house I know she will rant and rave and play the victim or get told to leave the house.
Hubby and I are really struggling with these decisions but I have already been in the Stroke Unit once and have had a couple of funny turns because of all this. It wasn't actually a stroke apparently but a form of migraine that causes paralysis on one side of the body and is initiated by stress. The point is though do we continue to live this nightmare and risk one of us being buried before my mother or just cut all ties legally and physically.
We have to consider our health and the welfare of our only son and his partner.
Again as my freind's have said and so many of you amazing people in this forum have said
"She has lived her life and you and your hubby have to walk away from this toxicity"
Thank you all in advance.