nursing home. He's loaned them money because he feels sorry for them and we know they owe him alot of money still. He seems to think he owes them something for her care. She worked a the nursing home and helped take care of her. I heard she got fired for stealing. How can we protect his money and keep them away and not get any more out of him. He's 90 years old.

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This is not uncommon. My uncle gave money to his in-home caregivers (significant money) even though they were paid by an agency. He liked them, and we just let it drop. He was mentally competent.

That is the big issue. How mentally competent is your uncle. Who has Power of Attorney? There may not be anything you can do unless you can prove they are taking advantage of him because he cannot make his own decisions. This can be costly and time consuming to prove, but is worth it if he is truly being taken advantage of.

The big problem is that many elders are so grateful for the help and do feel they owe these people. Even though the agency pays them, the elders think they should pay in person. My dad had a horrible time not "tipping" at the nursing home after meals. I came up with a system where I made him business cards to leave and finally convinced him it went on his "tab."

It's the way they were raised and it's generous thinking, but can lead the elder to give more than they have to every charity and to unethical people. You'll have to decide where you want to go with this based on his mental capacity.

It's hard to watch. I know because I've seen it.


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