We on this site deal with a lot. Sometimes, there is more going on that stresses us. I am finding that out.

Isn’t it crazy how moms can be totally blind about their sons? I hear all of you with rotten brothers. I have dealt with it too. When I think about it, I envy only children!

WoW Midkid, I have been wondering some thing close to this.

Has anyone ever notice the patterns with the "golden child"? They become low life!!

My mother made sure my brother got what ever he wanted. He use to beat the crap out of me and bully me everyday until I became a teen and my mother never did anything about. I thought for years that she told my dad and he never did anything about it either. I felt unloved my whole life. It wasn't until a year ago that I learned that my mother never told my dad what my brother was doing to me! She protected one child while sacrificing the other one! I am still so angry over this thought...I don't know how to get pass it or if I can ever get pass it.

Anyways my brother grew up self-entitle and stolen from my parents for years. It got to the point where my dad had to lock EVERYTHING up including pop bottles, garbage bags, paper towels, his tools, etc. My dad did try to teach my brother that stealing was wrong; however, my mother just kept letting him do what he wanted. He uses drugs and has been for as long as I can remember; we are six years apart. He abused my mother and I believe he is one of the reasons my mother had to filed bankruptcy. She did not nor could not have spent all that money in a very short time by herself. He has never had a real relationship and thank God he didn't have kids. He believes in some world that my parents house is his that he has rights to have it and get this...he thinks I should pay for all the bills and maintenance on it but not live in it...he believes that I owe him. Get that? That I owe him a living! The one he tormented! Man does that makes me mad!!!

He drives by everyday and he has tried to break in several times. There is nothing I can do until we install cameras. Even tried to beat me up in the kitchen because he said, "I made him lose his house." He is the one who got fired from his job, didn't pay his mortgage and refuse to find a new job. He has said that I am the reason his life is crap. I don't even understand how it can be my fault. I didn't raise him and I am not responsible for him. He made his choices!

As for now, he is playing the poor victim because he couldn't move back here after my dad passed away and how I and my sig other are living off my mother, but that is so not true. We both work and help pay for the bills and maintenance on the house. But to him "it's not fair"...boo hoo, boo hoo! He is such a low life, but he is my mother's pride and joy. He can talk to her any way he wants and he never does any thing wrong.

I am scared of what my brother would do to me if he ever gets the chance. I am the one thing that stands in his way of him getting what he wants...to have full control over my mother, this house, and her money!!!

I too wonder if my dad would have known what my brother was doing to me...had my dad protected me from my mother and brother; would my life turned out better or at least different!!

I guess I am having a bad couple of days:(

But Midkid you are not alone!

My mother coddled and fussed our oldest brother. He was her 'golden boy'. He consequently stole from her and daddy, talked them into mortgaging their home and letting him invest the money--mother could never say no to him. He nearly bankrupted them.

Of course he lost all the money--spent time in jail on child abuse charges. Molested me and my 2 younger sibs for YEARS but we knew mother wouldn't believe us, so we never told. Did drugs, lived on the streets, when daddy wouldn't let him mooch off them--sad sorry life.

Everything he touched turned to garbage. Produced 5-6 kids ( we aren't sure) and left 3-4 wives (again, we aren't sure) and just basically lived a rough, awful life with so much pain.

Daddy finally wised up and appointed another brother as mom's FPOA, so she couldn't keep slipping this idiot money. She had to account for every dime. So she'd give him her 'cash' grocery money.

He finally died, some years ago of uncontrolled diabetes--and I have never felt so relieved in my life.

I slept better, felt safer and never had ONE MOMENT'S grief over his passing. Just so glad he was unable to keep on being 'him'.

I'm still 'healing' from his abuse and I'm 64 years old. I wonder how different I would be if I had not been tormented and abused for years on end.

Arimethea33,

You are not alone.

My son sent me a message asking for money, when I said No, it is the end of the month and the end of my monthly budget, he got all uppity about people getting free money. I beg your pardon, he was the one asking for money.

Al-Anon may help.

Stress takes a toll on our bodies. I suffer from IBS, it was out of control 6 years ago. My marriage ended unexpectedly and I went through a terrible separation and divorce. I had to go off work because of the stress of it all, yet during that time my IBS settled down. Yes, I was under extreme stress, but not as much as I was during the marriage.

Counseling has been a great help to me as has putting strong boundaries in place.

I hear what you are going through loud and clear. My deceased husband and I adopted a 6 week old baby boy. When my husband died, i had the care of my biological son as well as my adopted son. It was a total nightmare. Adopted son started selling drugs and was in a gang of high school criminals. He went to jail many times and i bailed him out many times. I had a nervous breakdown and finally my dear Aunt intervened and with her help got him in Boystown in Nebraska. He stayed there 5 years and graduated high school. When he was released he still was not a changed remorseful adult. He moved to another city and i haven't heard from him in years. It saddens me so much but i am grateful that the institution taught him survival skills. So friend you are not alone. Prayers for you to find the solutions you need for this boy. Hugs.

I am so very sorry. It’s tough. My oldest brother was an addict, opioids too. He spent years in jail too. He died from HepC.

I am glad you are seeking help. Caregiving is a challenge. I wish you the very best and sending a bazillion hugs your way! 💗

Wow, good for YOU! So sorry you are having to deal with all of this, truly. It's a lot, that's for sure. I'm positive your post WILL help some people.......it's empowering to hear that a mother can love her children and still have boundaries, and still say no when necessary, and still refuse to clean up their messes as grown adults anymore.

Wishing you all the best!

Thank you for sharing your story.  I'm sure there is much more.  Breaks my heart that you've gone through and continue to go through all this.  At least you're finding some break and have come to a hard, but necessary decision, and it's surely taken a toll. 

I think we're all going through much more than the questions we post.  Glad we have each other here, and that all offer positive support and advice we all need.

Keep us updated, please.

I am so sorry for all you are enduring. I believe jail is probably the best place for your son for some months given all he has done repeatedly under the influence. At least he has not hurt others with his impaired driving. Then he could be looking at years possibly a lifetime behind bars depending on the circumstances. At the very least he cannot drink or drug to excess.

I read alot, mainly memoirs on different topics. There are so many about substance abuse. I just finished one by a mother about her daughter who finally reached a period of sobriety after numerous rehabs. It is also heartening to read ones written by the individual regarding their experiences and what finally brought them to their knees.

I have a dear relative who lost her mother at the hands of a drunk driver. She was a wonderful person whose life was cut short. This happened over 30 years ago. Her daughter is a very spiritual person who does not speak about the manner of her mother's passing but I know how very much she is missed. She would have had grandchildren now she was never able to meet. Theirs was a wonderful mother daughter bonding relationship. The mother was at my wedding just over 40 years ago.

I hope you and your family can find the help you all need and your son can realize that his behavior with a car is a deadly weapon if he drives while impaired.

Thank you.
It is a work in progress. I’m not out of the woods by any stretch. But I know my enabling has to stop.
Second place is no place for a parent who has done as much as I have.
Promises, promises equals lies and more lies.
I know he can’t come back to my home.
I know a person can go to rehab a dozen times and still fail.
There is no al-anon in my town.
I won’t stop seeking help.
Been to a therapist before, I believe in them if you find the right one.

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation with your son. Addiction is terrible. We have dealt with it in our family. Man, it affects everyone involved. My mom enabled my brother too for a long time. Practically, his entire life. They went to classes after his second stint in rehab, but, I'm not sure it helped. He's been clean for a long time, but, she is still very entrenched in his life. It's amazing how much addiction affects families.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Stress is terrible! I recently took a long earned mini vacation and as I sat by the pool, walked down the beach, stared at the ocean, etc. my muscle pains seemed far away. I learned just how much my real life stress was hurting me. I have to make changes to get my health back. So, I know what you mean.

Enabling is a disease within it's self. It is a hard cycle to break. Until one learns that enabling has the exact opposite affect, that it hurts the person being enabled and stops them from getting better. It is known that addicts need to fall to their knees before they can get back up.

There is a good site called soberrecovery.com, that has a section dedicated to Family& Friends of addicts, might be worth looking into.

I wish you the best!

Wow I feel like my mother could written this post! My heart goes out to you. Having “tough love” when it comes to your children is HARD. My family has been through the same thing with my brother although he’s been off drugs for years but is an alcoholic. He has had 3 DUIs that I know of. He does not take responsibility for anything. My mother pays his traffic tickets, his court fines and bails him out of jail. The last time he got a DUI, she did not bail him out. She let him sit in jail. This was 3-4 years ago. She’s continued to enable him in other ways though. She struggles With guilt and questioning herself no matter what she does. After the last DUI, my brother called me and instead of taking responsibility for driving drunk and having a loaded gun in the car, he was going on and on about how he challenged everything the officer said and did and how he is so much smarter than the cops! He thinks he a street lawyer or something because rather than doing the time for his crime, he was doing everything possible to get away with the DUI. He refused a field sobriety test and a breathalyzer and wouldn’t let them draw blood without a warrant. He was looking for little technically, anything the officer had done wrong during the arrest, so that he could get the charges dropped. And the way he treated the police was reprehensible! Not the way our parents raised us at all. Anyway you are not alone in this, this are a lot of mothers in your shoes. I am sure your post will help others out there. I’m very sorry you’ve had to endure all of this. Stay strong!