On another site (Live Journal) I've been following a very sad story. A once-happy marriage is breaking up months after the death of the man's father, who was a very demanding difficult Care Receiver. The wife had run herself down caring for the FIL, and for other family members, and she and her husband had both fallen into bad states, depression etc, which continued for months afterwards.

Suddenly, with no warning, the husband announced he was divorcing her (saying in effect that she had been neglecting him, which was true) and threw her out of the house! She has been devastated, apologizing, taking all the blame, begging for another chance. Friends are trying to get them to reconcile, and urging that the husband get a physical exam, as such sudden behavior can have medical causes.

The details of the wife's care-giving stress resemble many of the stories of post-caregiver depression I've seen posted here. Has anyone seen cases where the HUSBAND freaks out months AFTER the death and rejects the wife? Does he come to his senses later? They both seem to have counselors, but talk-counselors don't always point the client toward medical attention.

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1) He is a jerk and he has been running around on her, and just waiting to file for divorce until his dad was out of the picture (because Dad would not approve) or waiting until he didn't need her to take care of his father.
2) He thought that as soon as Wife was no longer a caregiver everything would be Happily Ever After, without considering they would both be in mourning and also making adjustments to many changes. Not having his unrealistic expectations met pushed him over the edge.
3) He is developing dementia or some other mental illness.
4) She is deeply depressed and needs treatment. He is depressed, too, and instead of being able to support her he wants no part of the situation.
5) He has always been controlling and self-centered. He used her as the unpaid overworked caregiver for his father, and has no further need of her, especially if she in not well herself.
6) She can't/won't get her act together, see a doctor for her own problems, mopes around and expects more from him than he is prepared to provide.
7) He came into some money on Dad's death and he doesn't want to share it.

No, I haven't heard of a similar case. Without at all knowing what might be behind this, I think
1) They both should have thorough medical/cognitive evaluations.
2) They should consider joint counselling.
3) She should have a lawyer

Welll, it could be a sign that the hisband is in an early stage of dementia like his father. In any case she needs an attorney because he can't just throw her out. He has legal & fiscal responsibilities to her.

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