I moved my mom into a memory care unit on 9/22/17 and I know I made the right decision, but now we are both miserable. I need some support to make me feel better. The first few days were terrible for her and I could tell that I was not helping her get into the routine by actually being there. She cried and begged me to take her home every day that I was there. I spoke with the case manager/head nurse & she suggested that I give it a rest, so that they could get her acclimated. I did that, and then started up the visits after I was told that Mom was actually coming out of her apartment and while not really enjoying herself, she had started talking to other residents. I started visiting Mom every other day.

All was well until tonight. Mom likes to watch her favorite shows on PBS and when I arrived she was in the common room. No one else was there except one woman and 2 staff members. I took Mom to her apartment to get her shows on and then started getting her ready for her shower. I walked into her bedroom and found a strange man in her bed!!! It's not the staff's fault - my mom never completely closes her door and I guess the guy got confused. The nurse took him out and we settled into the show on TV, then she had her shower. When I got ready to leave she asked me what she was supposed to do and I told her that if she wanted to go back out to the common area, she could, or back to her apartment and watch more TV before she went to bed. Well, she ended up following me and then the other resident followed us back to Mom's and when I tried to get her to leave, she got nasty with me. The nurse got her out of there and I had to calm Mom down. I can see why she wants to go home! Another thing that made me totally annoyed was that my mom was wearing a shirt and clean underwear that wasn't hers and I found clothes in her closet that did not belong to her. If I have to I will start washing mom's clothes to make sure that she they don't get messed up. It makes me mad because we are paying a lot of money and laundry is included in that bill. Mom has already lost a throw blanket and her slippers and they can't find them!

Of course, I am reporting all of this tomorrow. When I got into my car, I totally lost it and cried all the way home. I feel so bad for Mom.

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I'm offering my sympathies as well. I would be frustrated, if not exasperated, and probably ask to meet with someone in administration to find out how to address these issues on a more permanent basis. But I'm not giving advice, just sharing that I would be upset as well if something like that occurred.

Coral, I'm sorry. It's tough to see our Loved Ones aging and things are changing. It's a big change to be in a new place, especially memory care setting. I hope things settle down some and even out for both of you. You'll find the routine and fixes for whatever issues come up. Some things may not be fixable but hopefully it's minor and temporary stuff in comparison to bigger picture.

That sounds terrible. It sounds a bit like a psych ward where no one's watching. The switch in clothes would bother me a lot. Clothes are expensive, so you don't want them floating around. You're not looking for advice, so I won't give you any. It does seem like anything we do has an upside and a downside. This one sounds like a pretty bad downside.

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