I have more or less taken care of my father needs for 7 years now. He has always been a strange fellow, with strange reasoning and behaviour. I can remember him beating up my mom on a couple occasions when I was young, and myself as well when I became a teenager. But still I try to do what best I can to help him. I had to quit my job four years ago, as the caregiving is so mentally exhausting I can't even find the energy to do stuff for myself anymore. I had to quit my military "career" before it even started fully, when I was still young enough to pursue this. I am now too old to be considered in most branches I really wanted to serve, this pisses me off immensely. I have distanced myself from most of my friends, and a relationship at this point is just not doable at all.
My income is close to zero so he has the edge over me there, and what little I have goes straight alcohol. Yet I'm still young enough to start over and live in my car or something for some months while I earn enough to get a roof. Which is what I am going to do now.
The main problem with my father and what makes it so hard for me to talk with friends or anyone really, is that he seems like a loving polite old man. Yet a couple months ago he threathened to shoot me with a shotgun, after a brawl and disarment I took his shotgun and buried it. Still a teryfing experience I'm never going to forget. My siblings which visit once a year or so did not believe me when I told them. and that I am at least exaggerating the ordeal.
Today he attacked me for the fifth time in theese seven years, and all I could do was try and keep him from falling while he was swinging at my face. So I was basically just holding him uppright. He is and always has been physically fit, a tough 70 year but the punches wasn't nothing. The urge to hit back was so strong that I almost did, I simply can't take care of him anymore as it is killing me mentally and physically. It's either me or him at this point, and I'm pretty sure at some point I will hit back and I don't think that will end well.
First thing I will do on monday is simply say to his doctor "I am quiting" tell what stories I've kept secret from the persons I should have told as soon as they happened, and break all connection. I don't care anymore at this point, my life is halted to such a degree that if I don't act now I'm afraid I don't get very old. My blood pressure is through the roof and my hair is falling off.
I have been lurking around in the shadows at this site for some time and thought I just should sort of say my story as well. And also please forgive my grammar english is not my first nor second language.
Best of luck to you people struggling with elders being abusive, and a big thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you for staying together trough this website. The feeling of being alone in situations as these are a pain to say the least.