Violent 70 yr old father with depression and dementia. Probably a narcissist as well. I am quitting.

Follow
Share

I have more or less taken care of my father needs for 7 years now. He has always been a strange fellow, with strange reasoning and behaviour. I can remember him beating up my mom on a couple occasions when I was young, and myself as well when I became a teenager. But still I try to do what best I can to help him. I had to quit my job four years ago, as the caregiving is so mentally exhausting I can't even find the energy to do stuff for myself anymore. I had to quit my military "career" before it even started fully, when I was still young enough to pursue this. I am now too old to be considered in most branches I really wanted to serve, this pisses me off immensely. I have distanced myself from most of my friends, and a relationship at this point is just not doable at all.


My income is close to zero so he has the edge over me there, and what little I have goes straight alcohol. Yet I'm still young enough to start over and live in my car or something for some months while I earn enough to get a roof. Which is what I am going to do now.


The main problem with my father and what makes it so hard for me to talk with friends or anyone really, is that he seems like a loving polite old man. Yet a couple months ago he threathened to shoot me with a shotgun, after a brawl and disarment I took his shotgun and buried it. Still a teryfing experience I'm never going to forget. My siblings which visit once a year or so did not believe me when I told them. and that I am at least exaggerating the ordeal.


Today he attacked me for the fifth time in theese seven years, and all I could do was try and keep him from falling while he was swinging at my face. So I was basically just holding him uppright. He is and always has been physically fit, a tough 70 year but the punches wasn't nothing. The urge to hit back was so strong that I almost did, I simply can't take care of him anymore as it is killing me mentally and physically. It's either me or him at this point, and I'm pretty sure at some point I will hit back and I don't think that will end well.


First thing I will do on monday is simply say to his doctor "I am quiting" tell what stories I've kept secret from the persons I should have told as soon as they happened, and break all connection. I don't care anymore at this point, my life is halted to such a degree that if I don't act now I'm afraid I don't get very old. My blood pressure is through the roof and my hair is falling off.


I have been lurking around in the shadows at this site for some time and thought I just should sort of say my story as well. And also please forgive my grammar english is not my first nor second language.


Best of luck to you people struggling with elders being abusive, and a big thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you for staying together trough this website. The feeling of being alone in situations as these are a pain to say the least.

11

Comments

Show:
Ya Dude, You Did It! Enjoy your New Life! You deserve it!
(0)
Report

Dude, I'm glad to hear things are looking better for you. Please do keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.
(0)
Report

Happy trails, Dude!
(0)
Report

Im doing great!, thanks alot for the good words.
Staceyb, i did:). I have never felt so alive as i am feeling now, throwing miles behind me. i wish the best upon you all, living in your car aint that bad to be honest. Going to stop by in a year or two to tell the tale of my magnificent rise to whatever. thank you all again for the kind words. When your life seems the darkest, a little positive remark from total strangers shines as bright as the sun.
Thanks again:).
(4)
Report

Bless you - you have no reason to feel guilty - you have gone above and way beyond any duty.  Take care of yourself. We are all on your side!
(0)
Report

Fantastic, Dude! So glad to hear this.
(0)
Report

I'm rooting for you, too! You made a decision to change your life, and did just that!

Keep us updated. Better times are ahead for you, with your upbeat attitude!
(2)
Report

Dude, Congratulations! The situation with your Dad was not healthy, and I'm glad you decided to put You first. You just cannot allow people to threaten your life, especially with a gun! The only thing I hope that You did/do, is to contact your sibling(s), as well as APS (Adult Protective Services), and let them know that there is a Vulnerable ( Senior Adult living without regular assistance, that way you will have covered all bases.

I hope that once you are away from the stress of caring for your Dad, that you will prioritize your life and put You First, and concentrate on your sobriety. I can definitely see where being an Alcoholic might set you into a "drinking" phase again, but now that you are away from the stress and mental anguish, do work on being the very best version of yourself, and get out there and replace alcohol with the fishing, and outdoor adventure you seem to be missing from your life, take a break for a while, then find yourself a new job and get back into the real world and begin enjoying life again! Take care of yourself, and check in now and then to let Us know how you are doing, as there are many folks here who would love to live vicariously through you, who can not, or have not yet found their way to break free of unhealthy parental relationships! Drive Safe!
(4)
Report

Well, as I said, I talked to my doctor. Teared up and said enough is enough, explained the situation and all. I dont have any responsibilities when my father is conserned from the "goverment" and such. (dont really know what the english word for "custody over parents "is, but I sure as hell dont have it)

i have my stuff packed fairly hard into my car now. Im driving south, I dont really know how long the money will reach, but i got my fishing pole handy and some good spirit for the first time in a long while.
thank you for the kind words. i just hope the guilt will stop stinging. but i reckon that will take a while. As my father is concerned, I really hope the healthcare takes care of him for the rest of his days, and im sure they will.
I sure as hell dont want to have anything more to do with that man. Im starting a fresh start now. Allready driven 600km away (so i dont confuse you with miles). and the fact that im an alcoholic, I will drive that Beast away for sure, im pretty sure happiness will fill me as fast as i get some work and purpose. if not I will seek help first thing.

Thank you again for the kind words, its more than i have gotten, this subject concerned. my guilt is trough the roof, but my life is mine alone.

I just hope I can face my death with grace, and not like my father.
(3)
Report

Dude, I am so glad that you have made a plan to get your life going again. You deserve it! Let us know what happens on Monday when you talk to the doctor. Might be a few bumps in the road before you are free, but you sound like you are ready. Good for you!
(2)
Report

Related
Questions