Both parents are 80. Living at same home is my 52 year old, my 14-year-old niece, a 22-year-old nephew, and occasionally my 18-year-old nephew. The people in this home make me angry and nuts. I called today to check on everyone since yesterday. Dad says he's frustrated. I asked why. He says he is cutting grass on the riding mower. The he says he asked my nephew to get push mower and cut a small patch where the rider can't go. He says by the time he finished the patch was still not done. He says he goes inside and finds nephew in the bed. Then sister dear (we’ve never gotten alone) but try to be decent. She has two bills that she is responsible for - water and TV. The two bills are constantly getting so far behind that they get disconnect notices. I’m not sure why a $45 water bill keeps getting disconnect notices when she gets a disability check. Parents pay everything else. Now about the nasty condition of the home - clutter and rodents. You can’t use the table. You can’t use the kitchen counter. You can’t put washed dishes up. You can’t use the oven until you remove clutter and run things out. They keep leaving extension cords in the floor. A portion of the hallway is blocked. My sister’s bedroom, you can go no further than door and thin path to her bed. The other bedroom, which is large enough to hold three full side beds is cluttered, and only a thin path to where nephew sleep. The laundry room? You can get in far enough to reach washer and dryer. When I became the paid caregiver, I tried to go in and do what I’ve always wanted to do by cleaning some things up. Dad would gladly help being excited at the progress. However, guess what, everyone else comes in fighting us tooth and nail and we both have given up and just do what we can. Everything we move, comes back multiplied. I also got meds straighten out as you’ve seen on a previous post. However, this year my dad got messed up. He has an enlarged prostate problem. So he ended up catching a cold, I told sister the two over-the-counter meds approved by doctor. She chose to get one of each thing she could find. Well guess what, she gave him so much over the counter meds that he ended up wearing a caterer for two months and then had to undergo surgery. Same thing with mom, the doctor has her on a sugar pill for daily use and then one only for emergency if her sugar goes over 250. Well guess what sister and nephew does when the sugar is like 201 0r 205? They gave her that other pill and that’s without knowing whether she has taken her other sugar pill. Another thing is the late night feedings – 9:00, 10:00, and 11:00. As you know, the paid caregiver is to cook what is available at the home. Well, it is so bad there that I bring food from my home or buy something and carry because this is my food and that is my plate (sister and nephew). Dad often eats at that one available spot at the dining table because he says that is the only peaceful spot. Then if I leave food for them sister will let it set in box for weeks rather than serving it to them. They also control all the televisions and let him watch if they feel like it. I asked sister to give permission for other receiver to be added to home. Me and spouse told her we would purchase the extra tv, help pay one-time cost of extra receivers, and pay the $15 extra a month so that a TV could be placed in the bedroom for when mom does not want to share the living room TV and sister does not want to share the one in her room. Sister came up with all the reasons why she would not do that with the biggest one being they don’t give her anything on television bill. Dads says don’t worry about it he won’t beg them anymore. I really can’t stand these God fearing folks who sing like holy-ghost filled angels in the choir. That includes my mom. It’s so bad that we’re considering changing our membership to keep from looking at them. If I can find another job paying the same or more, I would leave there but am afraid of what may happen with dad if we don’t come around. Mother really wanted to be an arsenal with me this week after sister ended up in hospital. Dad wanted me to help work on the refrigerator so they could stop losing food. Then all of a sudden, mom needed to go shopping for food. I told her ok we would in a few after I help dad who was struggling trying to get off floor once he was on floor. Guess where nephew was until called. She then goes, you work for me and you work around my time that is what you are getting paid for dear. So we will go when I say we will go and tells nephew he doesn't have to help fix anything. Before I knew it, I went off, gave her the phone, and told her she could call the people and ask for a different worker. I want to do something about this situation but need the job for now until something better comes along. I guess I’m just ranting. If dad were to pass, they would never see me again.

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Thanks Pam!

Jessie, I know the show. Evil hoarders they have become. This is not the loving family I remember. This is not the clean home I remember. I want to pay someone to clean the clutter around the dining area but spouse says it'll be back within days.
Dad no longer accepts any medication from sister after that episode. I may have to go from threats of calling the county to actually calling. It just gets on my nerves how they all gang up on dad.

answry, this reminds me so much of a Hoarders episode I saw. A mother and child moved in with the parents and took over the house, burying everyone in a mountain of clutter. If it is serious and has safety and sanitation issues, you may want to call in the county for your parents. One problem I see is that mom seems to be right there taking up for the messers. If it is bad, what the county can do is give them a certain amount of time to clean it up. I know you don't want to do this to your parents, but if their safety is a consideration, then someone needs to check the living situation out.

Hoarding is a serious issue. Sometimes it is caused by obsession with accompanying lack of organization. Sometimes it is caused by pure laziness. I've seen both types. If the house is seriously cluttered, it is a fall risk for your parents. And bad food is a risk for everyone.

I don't know what to do about the medication. Your dad sounds like he is lucid, so maybe you can work something out with him -- like picking up his medicines and getting a pill box ready for him.

I wish conditions could be better for them.

You are burned out. Get away for a week, or better yet, for ever.

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