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I suffered from moderate verbal abuse for one year in my place of residence. I lived in constant fear. When the abuse and rages I was subjected to became more intense and more frequent I escaped with the aid of my son, and after a period of homelessness, I found a good living situation. Now I am coming back to life, and I would like to discuss this experience and learn how it could have been prevented and how I can prevent something similar from happening again.

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In the meantime, intervene on behalf of the five year old so that daddy can get off to bed. Tell daddy that you will sit with the child until he sleeps so as not to disturb. Make this a routine. What are the teens doing at this time? Sleepovers?
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I perceive a disconnect with your role as grandma, and minimizing the effect on the teens is also disturbing.

Only you know your history with your son. Your description of him as a monster sounds like the truth. Why are you protecting him, with delays, when the natural response to this kind of fear is flight. This is the time to take action, not talk about it for another two weeks.
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Three phone calls to the police work well so they will haul him away. When he gets out on bail-he will come after you and the children, so be prepared by going to a domestic abuse group just to know what to do to protect your family.
You are THE GRANDMA, right?
This has happened before, right?
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To Afraid: You must know that your son did not move in to protect you, or to keep you from getting depressed.
His behavior is not new, I am thinking, and may be a reason he was divorced, I am guessing here. It could be drugs, or a personality disorder, or anything dangerous!
He may have a history of controlling and manipulating you to get his way. He is using you now. It may be that the ex-wife approved his moving so that custody visits would be unspoken "supervised" visits. Talk to ex-wife. Or just turn in the creep for his very bad behavior.
Otherwise, you are complicit in his crimes.
....
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Forget about the support group - you don't need to adapt or tolerate this behavior; you need to report your son.

If he has alternate week custody, I assume there's been a divorce. Advise the Friend of the Court for the county he used to and now lives in. If you're not sure, call the police and ask them to find out for you.

A hearing can be scheduled to review the custody agreement before he injures the child. In the meantime an injunction can be issued to prevent the child from having to visit with him.

And inform his ex-wife about the situation. She has a right to know her son is being abused, whether it's mentally or physically. His rage will cause emotional and possibly behavioral problems for the child.

Call tomorrow.
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This is not safe or healthy for the 5 year old. I would inform his X and children's services about this behaviour and work to revoke his visitation privileges. No child, no rages, and everybody wins, especially the child!!!!
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my husband recently passed away adult son moved in to protect me and keep me from getting depressed. he get his children every other week ages 17 16 and 5. the teens are not an issue. when the 5yr old is here, ,y son turns into a monster he cant seem to control his anger. it is not my fault his job requires his to report to work at 4a.m.. he screams and yells at the 5yr old starting at 6pm to go to bed cause daddy has to go to sleep. then he proceeds to make my life a living hell by screaming at me, he will curse hit walls throw things call me names and go n and on. When I try to tell him to knock it of he becomes more louder and meaner and over bearing. I have told him to move and that started an even bigger blowout. what else can I do. The sheriffs Dept has already been called out by the neighbors becasue of his rampages and gave him a warning but that only made it worse for me. I need a support group to actually talk to someone
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Donaldo, if you are the elder who was abused, I think you'd be quite welcome here, especially in presenting your side of the situation. If you've read some of the posts, you'll find there often is a lot of hostility toward the elder for which one is caring, and that might be one of the factors that leads to abuse.

For those of us still in the position of caring for an elder, I think your experience "from the other side of the fence" would be helpful for us to understand more about the dynamics of how abuse develops and how both parties can avoid it.
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donaldo, it sounds like what you have to say may be very good here in letting caregivers see verbal abuse from the other side. I don't know how much advice we could give, but you are very welcome here.
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JesseBelle and GardenArtist, thanks for your comments. I think I am in the wrong place, didn't realize this was a Caregiver's forum. I am looking for an elder abuse support group. Best of luck to you...
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Was this a caregiving situation? I ask because this is an elder caregiver's group, donaldo.
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You'll have to provide more information.

Were you living alone, with family, in someone else's home?

Who abused you? What were the issues? Did the person(s) have specific mental illnesses? Documented history of abuse toward others?

What were the surrounding circumstances of how you were living there, how the person(s) abused you, and other issues?

Did you call the police when you were abused? If not, why not?

More information will help others offer suggestions and analyze the situation, how it occurred, and how to avoid it again.
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