A few hours ago, I got a message that the adult granddaughters want to 'do a surprise drive by parade' tomorrow for Mom, their grandmother who is back at home. They did not ask btw how she was doing or about what was scheduled for the day. I suggested the time she is most alert is from 11-1 pm. The afternoon is when she's usually pretty exhausted and napping. A barrage of texts followed unreasonably questioning if it was my schedule or if it was me that did not want a surprise. Not sure what a straight forward time period that works means anything more than a block of time that is best. Usually when someone visits, they ask what time is best I explained quite frankly.
I invited them to visit from the backyard. I didn't get to explain the backyard now looks like a park the kids can now play in and my mother could watch from the living room. Since March while quarantined with mom on home hospice, I've made the best of it by focusing on cleaning up the back yard if I have time. Sitting in her chair in the morning sun is mom's main past time. A little bit each day I pulled weeds and cleared different areas. We watched the fruit trees blossom which was a nice experience. The hospice nurse visits with her and is able to socially distance in the backyard as well. So for this weekend, I planned to have a gardener deliver potted flowers and help finish with the cleanup.
My nieces insisted on the planned drive by. One wanted me to bring my mother out to the front of the house. One niece said I didn't have to be involved. That took the cake. How would a napping 97 year old on home hospice know this parade is taking place or get to the front window I thought. Anyway, my response rained on their parade.
With each communication between two of my nieces and myself. there seems to be a lot of underlying unresolved issues. I realized that it goes back to when their mother, my sister, came to live with me while she was ill and sadly passed. Maybe whatever issue occurred happened prior or my nieces' bad attitudes stemmed from the passing of their mother. One niece blatantly tries to insult me by mentioning that I am an older age than I am. This has happened consistently over the past year. I don't know where this fits into the conversation, so I take it that she feels some hostility. Is this hostility because her mother didn't get to live to old age. The other niece likes to twist what I say to argue some point. It's like watching an argument she is having with herself. In the recent months I've been waiting to let negative feelings toward them pass and I feel sad for them more so than hurt by them. I try to find that unconditional love for my sister's adult daughters because they are a part of her and I fondly remember when they were young. I'm finding it best to ignore each. However, I did sent a message to the one who feels she can verbally be abusive my thoughts on her hostility towards me. I told her she would have to resolve within herself. Last night I finally realized that my grief over my sister won't be made better through her daughters as I'd hope. I have to protect myself from unwarranted negativity because I have enough on my plate.