Mother has Congesitve Heart Failure almost 8 years. She was hospitalized again on December 24th for fluid build up in her lungs. My husband I took her to the ER. My brother has just sent a letter blaming my mother, almost 88 years old for everything. Reading it made me sick to my stomach. He is 50 and stupid.
He wrote us all about how she wound up in the hospital and it was her fault because she is not taking her water pill regularly; he blames her for staying in bed a lot (yes, she does because her condition has progressed to the point where she can hardly function), he blames her for not exercising ... he wants her to climb flights of stairs and take walks. He want her to eat regularly ... she does not experience hunger pangs any longer. I am SICK AND TIRED OF HIS TYRANNICAL WAYS. At first he was on my case, then he got on my brother's case and the two of them almost got physical, and now he is blaming my mother.
I am so sick of the dysfunction. She is doing the best she can.
Maybe he is in denial and not stupid. Whatever. I am just venting that he is becoming a part of the problem not the solution. She lives alone, is not incompetent mentally and so we cannot "force" her to do anything. She now is getting to the point where she can no longer stand him. So, when I wrote last time thinking it was ME, I was wrong. He is just one big pain in the a**. He loves to give orders and judge. All I can do is all I can do. I cannot force her to do anything.
I hate all of this. Can anyone relate to having a bully in the family????
Hugs & Prayers to All,
So very true. Thank you for posting this.
(Too bad your brother doesn't have a better audience for venting to than his poor mother.)
Back in the day, our great-grandparents and grandparents got old, they got sick and they died. Circle of Life. We miss them terribly, but it is what it is. Nowadays, we think we should be able to turn back or at least stop time - to cure old age, a certain diet will cure dementia, a certain exercise regimen will cure Parkinson's - or whatever. But, it turns out we are only human after all. But vent away. That is one reason that forums like this exist. Your mother is a lucky woman to have people in her life who care.
I am so grateful for your responses and for the time you take to listen to me vent. Thank you.
I know you all have your plates overfull and I have prayed for all of you who take care of them and for them. I admire you all. Bless you
The person who does the caregiving needs to have poa. End of story. Oh, and your mom needs to be seen by a geriatric neuropsychologist who can do cognitive testing that will tell you about her reasoning skills. Sorry, will tell HIM about her reasoning skills.