As in the title, this is just major league venting. No need to respond or read at all or to the end. I have had it.
Cannot deal with nutcase mom anymore. My dad died of ALZ earlier in the year and he was the easy one. My mom has always been OCD/high anxiety and my brothers and I sometimes joke, but then are serious, that my dad did not have Alzheimers but just had his psycho/neuro system fried out after over 60 years with my mom . She has gotten worse as she gets older and losing my dad has understandably been hard on her and I think now in addition to (as one doctor put it, anther of my dads docs referred to her anxiety as "through the roof" ) off the charts anxiety, but clinical depression too. Yet she refuses to do anything to help herself like see a therapist or psychological help of any time. She gets angry at the very suggestion as that makes her feel she is nuts (which she is). My dad dealt with it by just ignoring her, but he should have confronted her about it as in the process, she hosed up him and my two brothers and me.
Her own primary MD, a female, has called me almost in tears as she (the MD) doesn't know what to do anymore. My mom comes to an appointment at about a 15 on a 1 to 10 anxiety scale and the doctor cannot do any examination. Her doctor, and one of my dads doctors though perhaps she too is getting dementia problems but it is masked by her anxiety. Her dr. has tried to run her through one of those screening tests buy my mom gets into a temper tantrum like a little girl and will not do it. She takes her anxiety meds intermittently if at all, claiming they make her sick.
Instead, she badgers me everyday with the same phone calls, questions, worries. As someone else said they did, I will answer the same question a different way sometimes at which time she will ask why I answered differently the time before. So she remembers, just a constant need for reassurance like OCD people do.
Over they years, she and my dad had gone to Myrtle Beach for a few weeks in the winter where they met many friends (and my brothers family lives nearby in Wilmington, NC, so they could see them). Last winter, they could not go as my dad was going downhill, but my mom would like to go for at least a week this year to see her friends again. She wants me to go with as she is afraid to fly alone, but I HONESTLY could not put up with her for one week solid. Normally I would like her to be able to do something that makes her happy, but she drives me nuts from 15 miles away, how could I be with her for week solid? My brother in NC has offered to pick her up at an airport where she can go non stop, drive her to Myrtle Beach for a weekend then pick her up the following weekend but she is afraid to fly alone and wants me to go with. I do feel bad for her having lost her husband, but I cannot do it all. She is driving me nuts. I lost my dad too, but to her, its all about her, her grief, her anxiety, and she will not do anything to help herself. Too proud to take the shared senior ride service and wants me to drive her around all the time. Yet always complains how I do not do enough and how other friends and relatives of hers have kids that do so much more than I do. Yet those same aunts have scolded her for saying I don't do much, as they see how much I do, and its just me, as opposed to aunts who have several kids in the area. So the demandingness and lack of appreciation bothers me more than the work itself. And the work itself is mild compared to just being with someone that high strung all the time.
We are also afraid if she does go to Myrtle Beach for week without me, she would be dependent on her friends there for rides,, etc, and drive them crazy. They have confided in me in the past they really like my mom in shorter doses, but cannot deal with her for longer periods of time. Yet putting up with her for long periods of time is what I have to do.