My DH and I had the talk with my mom last Monday that she would need to move because I want to re-locate.
The initial talk went more calmly than I thought it would, so that is good. My mom said right off that she did not want to stay here if we moved, so that was also good, I will not have to fight her to sell her (our) condo.
As we talked it became obvious that she was heavily leaning towards wanting to go to Maryland with us. I told her that would be fine but that she would need to move to senior living. She answered something to the effect of "We'll see" and that's when I started looking to end the conversation, and we left shorty after. I know it was a lot for her to take in and I was glad things went okay- even though I knew we would be revisiting the whole "senior living" thing.
Sure enough the next morning she texts me that she wants to rent someplace first in Maryland then decide where to live (also in Maryland) I texted her back that if she wants to move to Maryland with us she will need to go to senior living, and I left it at that.
The next day (yesterday) we took her to the airport for her week visit with my sister. On the way she said the same thing- and I pushed back harder. My DH chimed in for her to check out Texas while you are there and maybe you can move there! She said NO she definitely did not want to be in Texas. I almost thought we were going to start fighting in the car, but I forced myself to stay calm. The fact that she was on her way OUT of town helped. When we were in the airport she asked me- Don't you want me to go to Maryland? I told her it's not that I don't want her to move to Maryland (I lied) but that we were not going to have the set up we have now, that I would be BUSY, and if she goes with me I need to have her in a safe place.
We had a little bit of time waiting on wheelchair assist so I explained to her that I had checked out some nice senior living in Maryland close to where I will be and that it was like a resort for seniors! Then I said that I planned a virtual tour with the director and we would do it Monday by Zoom while she was with my sister. She didn't say much, and then the wheelchair came.
On my way home she texted me from the plane and said she was "looking forward to seeing the condo".
I spent a lot of time Tues researching places in MD. I'll try to keep it short. I did find a nice place in Maryland and talked to the director for a good bit. She asked me a lot of questions about my mom, and when we wanted to move etc. She then asked more about my mom almost like an assessment- and then she told me that my mother could move to the Independent section of the community.
I was really surprised at this, as I thought assisted living for sure, but this director said they have residents in Independent living with dementia. I asked about the safety protocols and what happens if she needs something and I'm not around. Turns out even in "Independent" living there is a 24 hour staff, a daily check in system, call buttons in the apartments, and other supportive services. Lot's of guided activities. I was very honest about my mom's deficits and the director seemed confident my mom could start out in Independent living. They have assisted living and MC too in that same community.
Can anyone here tell me about experience in "Independent" senior living?
So, now she is at my sisters & I think it's pretty clear to everyone, mainly my mom, that I will not accept anything other than senior living.
On a different note- my siblings got the baby news via a sonogram pic text and everyone is happy and excited about that, especially my brother. I know in my heart that he is glad that we are moving and will be close enough for frequent visits.