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Well after 3 months grandma's mental status hasn't really changed but she isn't gaining any weight. Now she's seeing things that aren't there. Accusing people of taking her things. Crying about how someone talked to her even when I was there with her. It's been rough I understand not all care homes are equal but every time I turn around someone apparently screamed at her or talked to her like she's a child. She was at the smaller hospital and even then she would tell me people pick on only her. No one else but her. She also would get confused of who was the "bad person" She still has these stories of going to the store or working and now she thinks all of the staff is out to get her. I've dropped in unnoticed and unannounced here and there and I haven't seen the staff mistreat anyone or her. I even went there before I okay-ed her stay there. But she still insists the staff hates her and is mean only to her. She accused someone of taking her clothes when she still has all of them. She accused someone taking her paper when she had none. I've been monitoring what I bring her and what she has and I've watched her misplace her things and then 5 minutes later accused someone of taking it. I always tell her not to worry but now she's calling me every time she loses something or she thinks someone yelled at her. I know one of the nurses does talk very loud and stern(she's just like my middle school teacher lol) but grandma thinks she only talks to her that way and no one else when she talks to everyone like that she told me it just her voice. Trying to convince grandma she's not yelling at her is very hard. But the one thing that is worrying me is how much weight she's losing and her not eating there. Now that I know they might had gotten stern with her but she's threatening bodily harm to one of the staff because she go on her for not eating for a whole day. Which puts me in a not so good position. The staff member called me to tell me that she's being unruly again and is accusing her of yelling at her when she didn't. While grandma tells me she has witnesses and wants to report her but is afraid or she says she doesn't know how to do it. Later on she changes the story to the staff member was yelling at her for not being dressed for breakfast which then was changed again to her missing breakfast. So thats where I am right now. Tomorrow if the storm isn't bad I will take the bus with some food to see her. The other problem is her forgetting to eat all of her food and she will hide it and of course it will start to go bad. Which happened at the nursing home she was in. I remind her or I try to throw it out but she gets upset when i do throw it out saying she need to eat it because she gets no food. Again isn't true. Sorry for a lot of info kinda scattered but I wanted to update on how things been for her. The good news is I'm closer to getting a car next month and starting school in the spring.

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Yes I do go from what I observe, most of the time she imagines it or over exaggerate it. It happened a couple of times when I was present with her. She even told one of the nurses that I yelled at her and I never do and I really can't yell at her either. I notice she seem to imagine conversations or what she think she just said when she didn't say anything at all or nothing close to it. Is that common as well? She said the other day I was with her to get her candy but she never mentioned candy at all nor did she say anything until she asked where is the candy and why I didn't get her any. She also would say where is my food I thought I told you go buy me some food when she was just talking about how she misses being at home.
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Thanks for the update, lilyrae. I'm glad to hear you are making progress on getting on with your life.

Misplacing things (or even hiding them) and then accusing others of stealing them is EXTREMELY COMMON in dementia. It happens in nursing homes and care centers and in the person's own home. It is not logical. As you say, she claims someone stole her clothes when none are missing. Perhaps you can calm her down (sometimes) by "finding" the missing item. "Oh, Gram, look here! Whoever took your yellow sweater must have put it back. Here it is, in your closet!" I doubt that you can persuade her that her belonging wasn't stolen and it is futile to argue about it.

Also, in a setting with other dementia patients, it is possible that some "theft" is going on. A person walks in to the wrong room, sees a hat on a chair, thinks "what a great hat someone has left me" and takes it. Later if someone retrieves it for the owner the person who picked it up will complain of it being stolen. Sigh.

If what Gram says is accurate, then this is not a good care home. I am sure that Gram is not lying (not deliberately saying untrue thing with the intention of deceiving you) and, poor dear, she may believe what she is saying. But that doesn't mean someone is always yelling at her or being mean to her. You have to trust your own observations, not Gram's.

This is not easy. It was not easy when she was home with you. It would not be easy if you found her another place.

Bless you for caring so much for your dear grandmother.
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