I've spent the better part of the week looking for alternatives to my dilemma with financing Dad's continued care.
The VA social worker got back to me, and I have toured the VA approved facilities. They are ALL dumps. They would definitely be a step down from the private pay ALF where Dad currently lives, and I'm struggling with the decision to uproot him from where he is and put him somewhere like that. I just don't know what to do.
The team at Hospice was gracious enough to meet with the director of the Adult Day Center (who was on his best behavior -- of course), and despite him saying how much he "misses" Dad, I learned that Dad was never eligible for the free VA program in the first place because he is in ALF.
I didn't mean to throw the director under the bus, but when I was speaking with the VA social worker she was shocked to hear that Dad was in ALF. It looks like the director of the Adult Day Center conveniently omitted this fact which is a shame because now we're both screwed.
Dad seems to be adjusting to staying at the ALF though he doesn't come out of his room much, so pulling him out to put him in the stinky, dingy VA nursing home is a decision with which I'm struggling.
I would really struggle with moving him in with me (sorry if that's mean), but its not like I have a life anyway. I could quit the second job since I would be splitting rent, BUT I would need to hire help and that would cost extra. I worked out the finances today, and even with that option and a different ADC ($75 per day with Dad's health issues), I wouldn't be saving much.
I was raised to BE the best and DEMAND the best. Dad NEVER let me do anything half ass so I recognize I'm personally shouldering self-inflicted burdens. I have no idea what I'm going to do. There's definitely no win-win here.