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I have not written about either in a long time but just wanted to provide you with an update.
My original dilemma about my mom was that she was staying with my brother and sister-in -law during covid and we couldn't make a decision to move her to an adult home (for a year only probably until she runs out of money ) or directly to a nursing home. Well, the nursing homes have just started opening up but in Feb we moved her to an adult home which I think she really likes. I dread the year passing when we may have to move her again, but I'm trying not to anticipate too much since one never knows. She seems to be in good health even at almost 96 and we'd always told her we would keep her at home, so we weren't sure how she'd do.


My brother has had about 1-1/2 years of trouble with his heart and needing a leg amputation. He tried just dying at home but he was in too much pain and wouldn't go on hospice. He finally was told he would die if he didn't have the leg amputated and so he did it and went to rehab again for 2 1/2 mos. until his ins. wouldn't pay anymore. Then he signed himself out of rehab without a plan in place because he was so angry that they were charging him $600.00 a day and because he did that he was not eligible for any help at home from the visiting nurses who refused to care for him because of his uncooperativeness last time they tried to help. He got some aides to help him a little but was soon back in the hospital with a bowel problem. This time he went to a good rehab for 3 weeks and came home yesterday. They have set him up with all his services and for the first time he seems motivated to get better, but he is still so uncooperative about his meds and anything he doesn't want to do, that I am not hopeful his enthusiasm will last and I am afraid he will go back to being his usual uncooperative self.


During the past 6 months I have been speaking to a counselor who has helped me set boundaries with him and I have come to a place where I am not doing really anything to help; just loving him as best as I can in this situation and sometimes even that is really hard with his stubborn ways. Since he is a 68 yr. old bachelor, he has relied on me for everything for far too long. I am happy I have gotten help and really needed it not to be pulled into his drama all the time.


I am happy to have gotten so much advice on this forum and wish you all well.

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I am pleased to read this progress report, and it is PROGRESS.

I remember feeling like I had been stuck at the bottom of a bog, with quicksand still sucking me down. It took time to find solid ground under my feet. Then to build a solid path up & out. I am focusing on building a stronger life. Now safer, I can suggest where my lot can get a rope, instead of falling in the next bog with them.

Congrats on building your way out also 👍💪👏
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Thank you AlvaDeer! I will certainly try my best to help as I am so grateful for all the help I have been given on this forum. I finally feel I can relax and concentrate on my own dh's problem with his blindness and perhaps be of some help to others. I was so exhausted taking care of others for the last year and dealing with problems, I couldn't seem to separate myself from. Counseling was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. I was very depressed and couldn't seem to climb out of it. Still trying to get better but I"m on my way!
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Wow, what a wonderful story. I am so glad that you got to a counselor and combed out what you CAN do and what you CANNOT. Basically if comes down to just exactly what you said, boundaries and loving someone as best you can without forfeiting your entire life. I hope you will stick around on the Forum and help answer others, if you don't find it too burdensome or too daunting, because you could be of so much help and hope to others.
Thanks so much for your update. I am so glad of this good news. So few update us when things are better, to let us know. It's so appreciated. Hope to see you on Forum in future, giving others your own experience and advice.
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