I have not written about either in a long time but just wanted to provide you with an update.
My original dilemma about my mom was that she was staying with my brother and sister-in -law during covid and we couldn't make a decision to move her to an adult home (for a year only probably until she runs out of money ) or directly to a nursing home. Well, the nursing homes have just started opening up but in Feb we moved her to an adult home which I think she really likes. I dread the year passing when we may have to move her again, but I'm trying not to anticipate too much since one never knows. She seems to be in good health even at almost 96 and we'd always told her we would keep her at home, so we weren't sure how she'd do.
My brother has had about 1-1/2 years of trouble with his heart and needing a leg amputation. He tried just dying at home but he was in too much pain and wouldn't go on hospice. He finally was told he would die if he didn't have the leg amputated and so he did it and went to rehab again for 2 1/2 mos. until his ins. wouldn't pay anymore. Then he signed himself out of rehab without a plan in place because he was so angry that they were charging him $600.00 a day and because he did that he was not eligible for any help at home from the visiting nurses who refused to care for him because of his uncooperativeness last time they tried to help. He got some aides to help him a little but was soon back in the hospital with a bowel problem. This time he went to a good rehab for 3 weeks and came home yesterday. They have set him up with all his services and for the first time he seems motivated to get better, but he is still so uncooperative about his meds and anything he doesn't want to do, that I am not hopeful his enthusiasm will last and I am afraid he will go back to being his usual uncooperative self.
During the past 6 months I have been speaking to a counselor who has helped me set boundaries with him and I have come to a place where I am not doing really anything to help; just loving him as best as I can in this situation and sometimes even that is really hard with his stubborn ways. Since he is a 68 yr. old bachelor, he has relied on me for everything for far too long. I am happy I have gotten help and really needed it not to be pulled into his drama all the time.
I am happy to have gotten so much advice on this forum and wish you all well.