Well for those of you who have been keeping up with my torture of having Mom in a nursing home ..she has dementia and Alzhemiers and I placed her in a nursing home ,she became combative and she was dx with a UTI , the nursing home she was in sent her to a geropsych unit and they dx her with a UTI And gave her iv antibiotics the she was placed in a nursing home against my consent and it has zero star ratings ,,to make a long story short it was a horrible nightmare of a place and I took her home ama ,,,I asked her if she wanted to go home and she said yes and hopped in the wheelchair and out to the car and away we went. Well she is doing fantastic she is standby assist for transfers and eating and drinking and will tell you when she has to pee and BM ,,she was turned down by hospice...she still has horrible nightmares about being in that nursing home she wakes up screaming help me please breaks my heart ..but I’m glad she’s home and I will never place her again in a nursing home ...that poor woman has been through heck and if could write it all I would ,,the last place she was in was dirty had cockroaches and they never changed her and she was left with a sheet and a very light blanket on a cold night when I came in that morning she was soaking wet and freezing and no water to drink ..I turned them into the ombudsman’s office and the geropsych hospital that took my patient choice away and sent her to the worst place in town ..thank you all for your support you are amazing

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Ditto regarding Plan B.

I would suggest looking around casually- even maybe on a sunny winter day, going for a drive with mom - if she enjoys that type of activity - heater cranked up in the car with a Golden Oldies radio station on.

My point is based on my experience- I found a little nursing home tucked in the old neighborhood I had moved from a few years earlier. It was new - not there when I was - and I happened upon it by accident- or fate - as I had just learned I had to move my mom from AL.

It was the first place I looked at - and between my brother and I- we looked at several more. But none we as nice - not even the highest ranked and starred facilities with widespread acclaim. 

This place that no one had ever heard of was just a tiny facility- about 35 rooms. It was owned and run by two nurses - they even had one of their own mothers there. They weren’t looking to get rich or grow into a big business- just to provide quality care at a fair price - in a beautiful, stylish and safe setting. 

So - you just never know. But as another post said - hope for the best but be prepared for the worst - when it comes to caring for your mother at home.

There really are places out there that can do it better than we can - because we can’t do it 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

I agree with cwillie above, keep researching other nursing homes/long-term-care. But note, some places may have a waiting list so sign up now.

One thing I found, don't judge a place by its looks. My Mom was in a brand new facility and she had good care, it wasn't the best. It was a couple blocks away from my home and that of my Dad, so we could visit quite often.

My Dad at one time was in a rehab facility that was built back in the 1950's, very gloomy looking, but Dad liked the place, the rehab techs were excellent, and the food was very good. Best mashed potatoes, ever :) Only thing it was an hour drive in rush hour, and I hated to drive.

Oh why does life have to be so complicated as we age :P

I'm so glad! But please don't say never to any nursing home, the day may come when you simply can't care for her. Be proactive and keep researching what is available so that you are prepared with some options for respite or long term care. Hope for the best, but always have a plan for the worst. ((hugs))

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