Mom has been in the Memory Care Home for 2 weeks now. She had zero adjustment. I can’t say the same for me, although I know it was the right decision, I’m still trying to adjust to not caring for her. After 6.5 years it just seems so odd to me. I got to have a window visit and it was great to see her! Her memory retention is not even 5 seconds so I think that’s why she adjusted so well. I’ve been busy going thru her things, letting friends and family take what they wanted. I still have a bit more to do, but I’m praying it will be all done by 12-8, it has to be done by 12-10. I did want to say something to those who thought I was taking advantage of her-really??? For the past 6.5 years I’ve bought her food, meds and anything else she needed. In order to place her in Memory Care it is going to cost us $1200 per month which is my entire disability check in order to make up the difference between mom’s income and the memory care costs. We will have to make drastic changes in order for her to get the care she needs. I’m not sure how we’re going to do it but God will provide. Please don’t be judgmental to others, you don’t walk in their shoes. We are here to offer support, guidance. The last thing any of us need is judgement. Blessings to all!

Find Care & Housing
As always lealonnie, great advice!

Glad to hear your dear mom has adjusted well to the Memory Care ALF, great news! My mother lives in one too, and is very well cared for there. I don't regret my decision one bit and will be headed over there for a window visit later today. Win-win.

Unfortunately, we sometimes ARE judged for our choices in life. That's long as we've made OUR peace with these decisions, that's what really counts. People who pass judgement aren't always faced with the same situations in life that we are & feel the need to tell us we're 'wrong' when they don't have the right to do that. Take what you like from this forum and leave the rest, that's my advice. The support usually outweighs the judgements, that's what I've found over the years I've been here.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward!

You've already rec'd one blessing with respect to your mom... she's accepted her new home. You may not know what a relief that is to the caregiver, but it's a tremendous relief. Many LOs are not happy campers when placed in a facility.

I haven't read your past posts but “taking advantage of her” was another's response? The saying goes if you've seen one person with Alzheimer's, you've seen one person with Alzheimer's. The same applies to caregivers. All of our experiences are different. We all make the decision for our parents we think is the best at the time. No one has right to judge another's decisions.

Does your mom have a life insurance policy? Many policies have an “accelerated death benefit” rider. If she has one, you could also sell it in a life or viatical settlement. Contact her ins co to find out.

An elder care atty may have other options. Try your hardest not to put your own money at stake.

I don't believe a soul here would pass judgement on you! You have done an amazing job. Just amazing. And are being realistic, and so clear in your head. There is the pain and then there is the reality of knowing what we MUST do to survive. Some find it so difficult to move in the reality that is life, to know that we are human beings with limitations. This is such good news.
I have only one concern and that is for you. No one knows anothers finances, for certain. But you are putting a lot of money in care for your Mom to make the difference in her income and the care you feel she must have. I worry for your OWN future. Long as we now live, the sandwich generation, those in the middle, are often trying to support college for kids and care for parents; I think we cannot know our own future, and our own needs. You tell us that honestly Mom's memory is not there at all. I understand she is getting BETTER care for your infusion of money, but I worry for YOU and your future. We all have to make our own choices in how this can work best, if not perfect for us.
This is good news to get on a Sunday, yours. So thankful for it.

Judgement? I'm here to say good for you for getting her placed!!

I wish you didn't have to kick in your check, but I trust that you have thought this through and made the best decision for yourself-- and obviously your mom since she is adjusting well, and you were glad to visit her.

Good luck MomsOnly, and keep us posted. After 6.5 years you deserve to get your life back.

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter