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Thank you to all who took the time to give kind, helpful advice. I read every comment and it helped push me to make the steps right for me (which in the end was also what was best for my partner and Joe).
My partner and I are both scheduled to attend therapy separately and with a couples councillor together. We have spoken to his father and Joe will be place in an assisted living home when the time comes. This will be through the organization (where he goes for school/work through the week) he has been a part of since he was a teen, so he will have friends there already. This was very hard on my partner to accept and he says it feels like he is not doing enough and feels like it’s “putting a child into an orphanage”. Although I’ve unpacked this with him a bit, he agreed to talk his feelings through with his therapist and all parties agree that this will be the best thing for Joe, including Joe. We decided we will have bi-weekly movie nights, game nights, and family nights on the weekends, but also allow Joe to grow and live independently.


Although these decisions were hard and many tears have been shed our relationship is stronger for it. My partner is the love of my life and the positives of our relationship far outweigh the negatives. Joe will one day be my brother-in-law and I cherish him as my own family, but I am glad I was not too close to the situation to be blind to the big mess it would have been if Joe’s father died with no set plan for where he goes.


I urge those of you who immediately jumped to ending the relationship to think of the amount of information you do not know about my situation. I should not have phrased the question as though I was ready to end my relationship immediately, so it’s partially on me. When I posted in this forum I was emotionally raw and vulnerable, so keep this in mind when you’re writing a snippy reply about somebody not using the same term like “partner” or “husband”, or wording questions in a way you don’t like. People here just want help and kindness and some of the replies to my original question rubbed me the wrong way.


I wrote this update for those who voiced concern for me to know I am safe, happy, and things will all work out. I am getting help for myself and have even put my foot down when it comes to equal work in the house and the relationship. Things have been much, much better and I am looking forward to the future.

That’s great! So it works for everyone! Thanks for the update
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Great news!
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It's so nice to hear that problems have been solved to the benefit of all. We don't get a lot of that here, do we?

I'm happy for the way you worked this out!
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Wonderful news! I wish you the very best of everything! Please understand the advice given was made from the information posted. We were not privy to every detail. Again, I’m very happy for you!
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What an uplifting update to read.

An instant fix? No. Decisions made all by the heart or all by the head? No. Complications, emotions, tears & grief but also growth, sharing & acceptance. All part of it. A full life, not a dull life!

This folks, is what good communication can do!

JoeorGo, this family you chose are truly blessed to have you as their champion advocate.
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So glad you worked it out and so was your partner. Means alot to your relationship. I truly think Joe will be happy in an AL. He may be better for it.

Keep us updated. Would love to know how Joe is doing and you too.
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This is great--am so happy that your partner and his dad, were able to work with you to find an excellent solution for Joe, who sounds like he will be very happy. It's good to hear that things are becoming more balanced in your home as well. Congratulations!
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I'm glad you found a satisfactory solution for your situation. However, keep in mind that we could only work with the information you provided, so if some responses sounded hurtful, know that it wasn't intentional but rather based on how you portrayed the situation.

There are many ways to interpret the written word as there are no inflections and no emotion, so that's interpreted by the reader. The voice in which you wrote your post was not the voice any of your readers could hear.
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I'm so glad you've found a good solution for all concerned.
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Always nice to hear good news! Best of luck to you and your future.
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I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself, because I believe that you have helped set your husband-to-be's family on the right path to the best possible future. God bless all of you.
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Thank you for the update. It is good to know things are working out for all of you, and for all of you *together*!
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What a sweet update! I'm so pleased you were helped by the forum, there's so much collective wisdom, knowledge and empathy here. Wishing you a bright and joyful future filled with peace and wonderful times with your family.
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