Thank you to all who took the time to give kind, helpful advice. I read every comment and it helped push me to make the steps right for me (which in the end was also what was best for my partner and Joe).
My partner and I are both scheduled to attend therapy separately and with a couples councillor together. We have spoken to his father and Joe will be place in an assisted living home when the time comes. This will be through the organization (where he goes for school/work through the week) he has been a part of since he was a teen, so he will have friends there already. This was very hard on my partner to accept and he says it feels like he is not doing enough and feels like it’s “putting a child into an orphanage”. Although I’ve unpacked this with him a bit, he agreed to talk his feelings through with his therapist and all parties agree that this will be the best thing for Joe, including Joe. We decided we will have bi-weekly movie nights, game nights, and family nights on the weekends, but also allow Joe to grow and live independently.
Although these decisions were hard and many tears have been shed our relationship is stronger for it. My partner is the love of my life and the positives of our relationship far outweigh the negatives. Joe will one day be my brother-in-law and I cherish him as my own family, but I am glad I was not too close to the situation to be blind to the big mess it would have been if Joe’s father died with no set plan for where he goes.
I urge those of you who immediately jumped to ending the relationship to think of the amount of information you do not know about my situation. I should not have phrased the question as though I was ready to end my relationship immediately, so it’s partially on me. When I posted in this forum I was emotionally raw and vulnerable, so keep this in mind when you’re writing a snippy reply about somebody not using the same term like “partner” or “husband”, or wording questions in a way you don’t like. People here just want help and kindness and some of the replies to my original question rubbed me the wrong way.
I wrote this update for those who voiced concern for me to know I am safe, happy, and things will all work out. I am getting help for myself and have even put my foot down when it comes to equal work in the house and the relationship. Things have been much, much better and I am looking forward to the future.