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So as I said Dad moved into his apartment at AI Friday. I organized a lil house warming gathering with Sis, her middle daughter with husband, and baby, as well as my youngest daughter to come and have dinner with Dad on his first night at the place. Dad was over the moon. Though he had forgotten to not eat dinner till 6 as we were coming he didn't know about the crew coming to surprise him. Oh well. He ate breakfast while we ordered dinner and it was quite nice. He kept hugging me saying thank you. This means the world to me. I had been in bed all day after dermatologist apt. She took a biopsy and said if it gets any worse she wants me admitted for wound care as my skin looked so bad. I got out of bed to surprise Dad. Plus I knew at that time not so many peeps would be in the dining room. I called Dad this morning asking how he was and if he needed anything at the house. He said at first he thought he made a mistake moving there but now he sees it is the best for him. Yay! Here is the rub: Dad asked if I would be coming tomorrow to the big Mother's Day Brunch at his place. I said Dad I would if I wasn't so freaking uncomfortable as today it is worse. I need to dump Coconut oil on my face and arms every 15 minutes as it dries and is so itchy. Also I look like a leper with a sunburn. I'd rather not go out in public much if at all possible. He understood and said just rest. I will call your sister to see if her and Sam, her youngest will come. Well my Sis tells Dad I hate brunches, I'm hanging in my pj's watching tv with the girls. Which seriously I get it to a point. As I didn't want to clean poop off toilets or mop up piss off the floor all the time either or give up my business to come care for Mom and Dad. But I did it as it was the thing to do. This will be Dad's second full day at the place, if it was a month later and she said this I'd be like cool as Dad would be adjusted and all. But Sis cannot see past what she wants and does not do anything past her convenience/comfort zone. Of course unless there is something she gets from it in a tangible thing, steak dinner, money, etc. I have not talked with Dad since she bluntly said I don't want to. I know it is her prerogative to say no. Yet I feel like really, knowing I am feeling like crap and would go if I felt good, as I know he could use the support. My husband just rolls his eyes as he has quietly watched this situation from the get go. So he is not surprised. Hubs went to bring things to him today and make sure TV and all was working. Dad was so appreciative. Hubs even offered to go to the Mother's day Brunch with Dad so he was not alone. Such a freaking sweet heart. End of Vent/Rant. Wishing you all a most awesome Mother's Day. Big Hugs

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Same here! I moved in with my 97 yr old dad because I was single and mobile, so the chosen one. I have 3 sibs only 2-3 hrs away. One calls every 6 months, always posting pics of their pool, vacations, concerts, yard projects, dinners out. He is also willed the most expensive and treasured items. One brother calls once a week but never has “time” to visit. Sis come down once a month, stays at a hotel but I prepare meals and have to listen to her complain about her life. This month she is coming down because I have to have a colonoscopy and I have no one to drive me, I’m thankful for it but she has to hurry back because she has a crab fest party to go to. Omg, I work, take care of dad ( they all criticize how I handle things) eat mushy bland food, and have no life. They all seem to be worried that I’m spending dad’s money... I only spend his money on the house, not my personal needs. Someday when my dad is gone, I’m running far, far away!
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Thank you so much for all your kind, supportive comments and sharing your hurts too. I learned along time ago that all upset is due to unmet expectations. I work on letting go on a regular basis as just as soon as I have peace of mind and heart, in comes a comment like, Wow good thing he sleeps in a twin or his new room at the AI would be way too small, or Why is he doing this or that? or Are you sure you are doing this or that right. Geez give me a break. So I take huge deep breathes, smile, thinking I wont be the one feeling regrets when Dad does transition, only grief that I cannot hug him or hear his voice again. They all went through so much and still are regret about my Mom who transitioned 3 years ago this Oct. Me I just smile and remember all our great talks in the middle of the night, our secrete jokes no one else got. Life is juicy rich when we find the gifts in the gunk of life. Hugs to you all, as you are all amazing beings of love.
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Moved dad in 4 years ago with me and my wife. One sib pays for his cell phone. The other wont even call or take a call. Dad pays his own bills out of SSI that is about it. He did not have a retirement plan (I guess I am it). One sib will make such a fuss over him when he travels hours to visit them but they never visit here (I call them the Disney parent, like the divorced parents one takes the kid to Disney, the other has to make all the rules to live by, guess who is the favorite). I pick up all the living costs food, cable, heat/AC etc..... Sibs? Nada.
Not sure why there is dysfunction. It all came to a head when mom died or should I say "then came the silence". They only call when they have to. One sib calls dad all the time but never to me. Knowing full well he is a challenge to live with.
One sib makes a fuss over him when family is around but once all are away then nothing. So I live my life like I am an only child. Its sad but the only way I know how to get through it.
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Dear BBCrawford,

Your dad is so lucky to have you and your husband to look out for him. I'm so sorry to hear your sister is making things more difficult.

Hard thing to cope with that's for sure. As the oldest in my sibling group it also fell on me to care for my father and mother. There is a lot of anger and resentment there. I felt like my siblings just didn't care. And I had to care enough for all of them combined.

It was tough for me. But being angry and frustrated at them never resulted in very much. Even little gestures angered me because I felt like they could be doing more. Since my father passed, I tried to let it go. My siblings couldn't change anymore than I could.
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BB hope you can continue to keep your rash at bay. Sex and the City at 5, that’s my sister too and her daughter turned out just like her. My dysfunctional family hurts my health too.. hives on back and burning abdominal pain. Just not worth being in involved with them. Take care of yourself and stay strong.
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Thank you Awesome Ones of Light and Love. Yes she is single @Daughterof1930, I think your Brother and My Sister could hit it off. She is 60! HAHA
Sis did end up having Dad picked up and he ruined their Day of watching TV in their PJ's watching Sex in the City. Then they ubered him home, which he ended up misplacing his phone and trying to figure out if it was in the uber or ??? So hubs drove over to insure he found it as it was on silence. Also make sure he got in bed yada yada. She couldn't be bothered. Quick question who watches Sex and the City with a 5 year old daughter/granddaughter? Anywho not my monkee or circus.
Off to bigger fires to put out. Skin is still a freaking mess. Allergist wants more test, other tests results from other dr came back see him Weds to see if I have some fun Auto Immune disease. Biopsy comes back thursday afternoon to rule out skin or blood cancers. YAY me. Allergist wants me fully gluten free, no problem. I said what about alcohol kinda just kidding she doesn't miss a beat says make sure it is Tito's vodka! Made me laugh.
I actually woke up yesterday with my face skin looking clearer but after the calls and text came in from sis and random calls from Dad the hideous rash, peeling, burning itchy stuff was back. I am most likely allergic to my sis and Dad. HAHA. Back to hibernating like a vampire and drinking my screw drivers saying Screw you sis.
Thanks for reading and sending your positive vibes. Caregiver Burn out is no joke! Big hugs for all you do for your loved ones!
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I hear you. Bro is quick with a criticisms about what he thinks I'm doing, when asked to do anything he simply can't be bothered.
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Unhelpful, non-supportive, useless Sibs? Yes. I'll also add self-centered. Mom & dad don't seem to notice. I think they're so happy for any nugget of attention my useless sister gives them that they forgive all of her many shortcomings. It's heartbreaking and exhausting to try to pick up the pieces. I no longer expect my useless sister to contribute anything of value, and we have very limited contact. She hasn't changed, but I've found more peace.
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BB, is your sister single, if so I have an equally useless, self centered brother I could set her up with. You just described his behavior so well! They’d be quite a match!
After much beating my head against the wall, only figuratively though I’ve felt like doing it literally, I’ve accepted I can’t change the selfish and useless and I no longer try or spend much time worrying over it. I’m more peaceful and they’re no different at all sigh...
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BB, I feel ya.

My Mom has since passed but I sympathize with you. I knocked myself out decorating my Mom's nursing home room. When I first saw it I nearly bawled. It was just this little dumpy room that needed paint and someone with a vision. All my siblings were against it but it was a private room with a private bathroom. Hard to come by here. So I said we should grab it. Everyone hemmed and hawed but I made it cozy. Brought as many of Mom's favorite pieces that I could, bought her a new t.v., got her phone hooked up with her same number, everything I could think of. The day we got Mom settled in was so stressful but Mom was so delighted with her room and I was so relieved and happy.

Everyone showed up after the fact. They were all so, so busy when all the work needed to be done but as soon as Mom was settled in they suddenly had all this time. I think some of them even took credit for the final result.

Yeah, their visits pretty much were few and far between after that. Such busy, busy lives they have. Poor things...........facials and workouts, getting their mani's and pedi's, sigh......................
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