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I spend a lot of time searching for her requested items only to be verbally abused over and over. So tired of it all and am ready to give it all up.
My poor sister survived covid to be left with COPD and serious cardiac disease.
Husband has 91 yr old aunt with advanced dementia and a self center brother who is no help. He just causes drama.
Right now mom's number is blocked. She has PT today and her sitter so she is not alone. Need a break from her.
Thanks for letting me vent.

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I swear we all have different versions of the same mother!

Nothing is ever good enough for my mom. Ever. Once I realized she’d return/complain about/ etc...anything I gave her, I gave up. Yes I’ll get what she needs. Yes she gets birthday and holiday stuff and she will dislike all of it. But I won’t bend over backwards any more to try to find that perfect fantasy item that exists only in her head. I’m completely over it. Now I efficiently pick up item x y or z to my best guess and that has to be good enough. If not, too bad!

It’s a lousy way to have a sort of relationship with somebody, but boy it sure saves me time!

Truly feeling for all of you guys!
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InFamilyService, you said you are ‘ready to give it all up.’ That sounds like a smart idea – start planning how to do it. You have no obligation to put yourself through this. Did your mother do it for her mother? Probably not. Mother at 85 could last for another 10 years, getting worse all the time. What about DH’s aunt? The lives of you and your husband are just as important as their lives.

AbusedByMom, have you checked out Medicaid? At 74 and only in the beginning of dementia, she could last for another 20 years, definitely getting worse all the time. Don’t ruin your own life if you have any options at all. And there are other options besides evicting her onto the street.
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Reminds me of my demented mother who (thankfully) lives in Memory Care Assisted Living. She doesn't like their incontinent briefs, so I've been in charge of getting them for her since she went into managed care & the incontinence issues cropped up......in 2015. So, for over 5 YEARS now, the briefs situation has been 'all wrong'. If I bring them to her, they're the wrong ones. If I set up Amazon delivery, I've either ordered too many or too few. Like Goldilocks & the 3 freakin' Bears, never just the right amount. So after hearing over and over and OVER again about OMG my room is FILLED WITH DEPENDS, which it never is, I cancelled the auto-ship program (for the 6th time) on Amazon and said You Know What Ma? Just Let Me Know WHAT Briefs You'd Like, When You'd Like Them and How Many You'd Like. I Will Place The Order On the Day You Call Me and They Will Be Delivered in 2 Days.

This has been going on now for the past 3 months. Last month, she called to say she had a WHOLE BIG CASE of Depends in her closet, right about the time she'd be needing a new shipment. I knew darn well she did not have a WHOLE BIG CASE in her closet, but I let it go. Next day, she calls me: I hate to bother you but I need Depends. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGH. I could have sworn you said YESTERDAY you had a WHOLE BIG CASE in your closet. I didn't say that, of course, I said Sure Thing Ma,, I'll Order You Depends Right Away. Would You Also Like Some Always? Big mistake right there. Another 10 minutes of discussion about her indecision because I Never Learn.

So we're right about to the point now where she's going to need another order. I'm waiting to hear from her AND I refuse to ask her ANY questions. I will place the order and then listen to the complaints about OMG MY WHOLE ROOM IS FILLED WITH DEPENDS or else IS THAT ALL YOU SENT, THERE ISN'T ENOUGH!

Hope you had a bit of a laugh over that. I just need to run into the kitchen and grab a couple of Tylenol now.
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I'm sorry, you are going through that. My mother is 74 doesn't have 2 pennies to rub together and I made the mistake of letting her move in with me 5 years ago. She also has the very beginning stages of dementia, although probably not apparent enough yet to show up in testing. I go through the same thing with her. She forgets she did or didn't do something and I pay the price if I remind her. She's aggressive and irrational. She mentioned the other day she thought she was forgetting more and looked me in the eye and told me; I had to deal with it and laughed. The reality is, I don't, not in my own home. While I feel bad for having to evict her when she is penniless...... her abuse has taken a toll on my own mental health issues. Don't let it take a toll on yours.
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