Well now my closest friend seems to be in denial that my grandma has dementia and he believes she will come home and I can take care her. Grandma had a nasty fall at the personal care home but doesn't remember falling and she fell the same way she did at home. Backwards and hit the back of her head. She has 7 small staples where she landed and a cut on the side of her face as well. Even with that both her and my friend is in denial and both believe she will be home soon. I try to explain to my friend that even if she comes home it won't be good for either of us because she extremely stubborn and will hurt herself and I will be at fault and maybe even get charged with neglect or abuse knowing she needs 24/7 care. He doesn't seem to get her memory lapses or understand how they are. I tried to get him to visit her on more than one occasion but never did but now wants to and wants to her come home. He thinks dementia can be treated and with treatment she should be able to handle herself but she's incontinent and the worse part is she refuses to wear the depends saying that they are for people who are senile. Sadly she is mostly everyday. Her mind comes in goes during the day but she does remember some things but not all and if she remember she'll forget it completely during the week. But he thinks she's okay and should be home. What can I tell him or how to prove to him that she's not okay and home isn't an option without losing the friendship?

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Yes, perhaps multiple visits would convince him. But the fact that he doesn't believe you and doesn't trust your judgment has me worried about your friendship.

Yes it seems as if its not one thing its something else that arises. At 1st he was believing me but now he saying he wants her home and its not that bad and she'll get better etc...He thinks it will go away like cancer will when you treat it but I think he really needs to spend time to see it 1st hand and not one visit but multiple and hopefully he'll open his eyes and see its not the same as treating cancer or mending a broken bone...

Wow, lillyrae, nothing is easy in your life, is it? You have finally, after much soul-searching and anguish, concluded that the doctors are right and your dear Grandma needs to be in a professional care setting. You are not doing the hands-on day-to-day caregiving any more. You are getting on with your life (while still visiting and loving Grandma, of course.)

So what part of this doesn't your "best friend" get? I assume you told him what the doctors said, when they said it. I assume you've talked about your sadness at your GM's decline. If he cannot simply accept your decision and support you, I'm really questioning how good a friend he really is.

Explain to him one more time what your decision is and why you made it. Make it perfectly clear that it is your decision to make and that it has already been made. Tell him that if he can't be supportive you'd prefer not to talk about Grandma with him at all. Enforce that. Don't allow your conversations with him to be about GM.

You do NOT need to "prove to him" anything. And, sadly, this rift may mean the friendship will end or its nature will change. You don't need the loss of a friendship right now on top of everything else, and I am very sorry about that. But you also don't need someone to bully you or guilt you or second-guess the decisions you have made in love.

Getting on with your life needs to include making new friends. I wish you well.

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