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Obligation not love keeps me doing this caregiving but im at the stage where i dont have any escape it is the most unrewarding soul destroying thing i have ever done. If it was a relationship i would have walked away, so why am i still doing this its not good for him and real bad for me , i wished i had never taken him on hes nasty selfish mean and manipulative ,, ungrateful and plain aggressive ,and dirty, and im irritated confrintational and exhausted

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OP, it's very hard to understand your situation, you write it like we know what is going on, we don't.

You finally posted that it is your father. We didn't know who "him" is.

As cwillie stated unless NZ has some laws that adult children are responsible I wouldn't do it. Sounds like you had a rough childhood(sorry to hear that), but taking care of parent who you love and gave you a good home and childhood is difficult enough, you don't want to take care of someone you resent.

There must be some agency that deals with elderly people who have no family or no family willing to take them.
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This is your father who abandoned you when you were 12? Where did you go at such a young age, and how did you get roped into caring for him now? Unless NZ has filial responsibility laws I can't see how you can be forced to care for him, and even then I doubt that hands on care is required. Realistically, if he had no children what would happen to him? Imagine what would be the worst that would happen to both him and you, if you find a placement for him and walk away? You can still care for him in a supervisory way and get on with your life; even if all your money has to go to his care at least you would be free. Seriously, this could go on for years.
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social services said im on the 2 month waiting list and im in new zealand, your basically on your own here, even when i get assessed ill probably get an hour a week whooped de doo i wont even have time to wind down,, alzeimers and dementia group for caregivers here will take them to a group he wont go he'll probably tell them to stick it up there royal irish arse,,,, i have one brother in australia the only time he has been interested is when i put a pic of dad on face book free to good home he was offended and asked me to remove it ,,he has nothing to do with him either i had no takers by the way.hes knocking at my door now and trying the door handle over n over talking to himself its like a horror film
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Is this your father you are taking care of ? Do you live in the U.S.?
Sounds like a struggle for you and I can only imagine how difficult caring for this person must be.. Can you call Social Services to help you get some help ?.
Please give us more information when you get the chance..Meanwhile..I'll say a prayer.
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im loosing my life for him and i dont even know him i left home when i was 12 when my mother died and he remarried and i was not welcome anf i have only just got him here a yerar ago nobody like him he is awful person needy and selfish
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i dont know its ,,,its soul destrying and i want wats best for him but its at my cost and i dont mean money its just too taxing im tired of this draining individual i know he is in the firstg stage of dementia but ,,,,, its just too hard im ill
from it
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The biggest question I have is how can you get un-trapped and back in with society. You sound most unhappy. What is keeping you from moving on, since you have no ties to this person? Please tell us more. You sound like you're at the end of your rope with him.
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