My mom who lives with me is 82 we have good days but when she gets upset she has what i call an episode had one this day off from work i dread my days off i took her to the library then went to get some new meds for the back pain she is having then we get home im worn out then d he starts moaning and groaning now she has a toothache...i love my mom i do everything i can for her. But its always something and under my breath i said that she who cant hear anything without her ear aide heard me and she got very angry then she cried i feel like a awful daughter now im the baby older sister and brother who do nothing...... im getting so overwhelmed and depressed

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Been there, done that. You are not alone. And everyone gets that "exhausted to the core" feeling, sooner or later. Don't feel guilty. My Mom also amazingly hears the things I don't want her to hear and none of the things she NEEDS to hear; same problems with the hearing aid, too. You just have to count to 10 and try again. Rules and the "tough love" approach don't often work, as you'll find out, but if it is just attention-seeking behaviour, it will stop the first time you leave her "lying on the gurney". I suspect it's probably more anxiety driven. All that said, are you really sure you want to give up your own life and allow mom to control EVERYTHING as she goes demented? If not, then you should not be trying to do this at home. Find help, and move her out to a more appropriate setting. Very few people can do this at home without leaving major scars and bad effects on their own lives. Most of our parents would not really want us to endure that unhappiness, if they understood the price and sacrifice involved. Biggest mistake I ever made -- wish I could find a safe way out. Don't let that happen to you -- you already have valid reasons and you won't be getting any help from the good-for-nothing siblings, and you will resent that the rest of your life.

Lori, it's important to know whether she is actually sick or if these are attention seeking behaviors. If she is only sick on your day off, I tend to think these are anxiety driven behaviors and I would ask the MD to prescribe an anxiolytic. I say this because I have a MIL who would land in the ER every time we left on vacation. We finally stopped running. Once she realized she was going to lay on a gurney without being the center of attention, she stopped playing those games.

At this rate, she will out live you. It happened in my family. My sister just would not let up. She was disabled herself, but mother drove her to an early grave. Both my other sister and I live 1500 miles away, but Mother seriously needed to be in a nursing home. I think that the caregiving sister became co-dependent. Well, my 70 yo sister died suddenly and within 60 days mother was in a NH.

That was 2 years ago and now, she is quite healthy, happy and well groomed. She is 95. She played my sister like a fiddle.

What happens to your mom, if she outlives you? I think that you need to make that happen, now. Good luck to you. You need a life, too.

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